Was it worth it?

A year ago last week, hubby and I had just suffered our first house-hunting disappointment. The house was beautiful - exactly what we were looking for in our price range and located right across from a school.

But it was not meant to be. And so began a long, horrible journey through every borough in Toon Town looking for a house that could measure up.

Four realtors later we finally found what we were looking for and closed a private sale in what was a simple discussion around a kitchen table.

As Richard and I have become more settled in our new house, I have often been asked... "Well? Was it worth the big long wait?"

It's a tough question and I'm not really sure how to answer it.

Was this big beautiful house worth the nine months of heart-wrenching disappointment and frustration?

I'd love so much to say, yes! But I can't. Not yet.

I am a product of our society.

I love the end product but not the process. I want the blessings, not the sometimes difficult journey to get them. I want the cure not the long treatment.

I want Insta-Fix. Not Slow-and-Steady.

But it's the journey that makes life so sweet. It's savouring the process of making a bubbling batch of homemade chicken soup that makes it taste so good. You can't get comfort food from a fast-food container!

Have we forgotten the value in those long processes? Those hours of tweaking and adding and stirring are usually just as enjoyable for the cook as the end product of delicious tasting soup.

But we neglect the process. We skip to the end. And we wonder why there is more depression, more anxiety in our society than ever before.

Could it be because we've forgotten the joy in less-than-instant processes? In every day things that take time to be of value?

So back to my question... was the nine-months of scouring the city for a house in the craziest, stupidest market in Canada worth it now that we have our big beautiful house?

It's still yes and no.

I learned a lot through the difficult path. I learned, for example, that patience pays off. I also learned I am not a patient person.

I learned that God answers prayers. I also learned that sometimes He doesn't answer them the way I want Him to. When I want Him to.

But I still look at that journey and wonder why? Why did it take so long? Why couldn't we have gotten into the market before prices rose to ridiculous heights? Why couldn't things have worked out sooner so we didn't have to be mortgaged to the hilt for the rest of lives?

Perhaps the tears of bitter disappointment are still too fresh. Perhaps in time, when the memory of the heartbreak is blurred by the distance of time, perhaps then I can look back and say... of course, it was worth it.

Right now, the bruises of the journey still ache. I'm looking forward to time healing those wounds. I'm looking forward to sorting out the lessons from the frustrations and finding the gems God has placed there.

It will just take time.

Hmm...

Perhaps I've learned a little patience after all.

Addendum to previous post

And Corey Holmes is back in green and white after a blockbuster trade with Hamilton!?

Is it Christmas? Santa, is that you?

I'm kinda sad to see Armstead leave in the swap, but for Holmes! It's rather sweet!

I'm certain he will receive a huge standing ovation as he hits the turf at Taylor Field on September 2. Makes we wish I would have purchased game tickets when I priced them out in the spring.

Welcome back, Holmes! Time to rock the house, baby!

In my lifetime...

the Riders have only held a record of 6-2 twice: in 1976 and 2007.

Saturday's night game in Regina, which included an hour long interruption from rain and lightning, convinced me of two things:

• Riders have the most fantastic, dedicated, (not to mention slightly crazy) fans of any professional sports team on the planet. Several thousand fans crowded under the stands - crammed together with strangers in pitch darkness - to wait for the power to come back on and the rain to stop at Taylor Field. I'd like to see that happen in Edmonton.
• Riders will play in the Grey Cup this year.

Now, as for my prediction of playing in the championship game... I say this because of something I see in this team that I haven't seen since... since... well... since Kent Austin QB-ed Green and White...

Poise.

Or call it confidence or consistency, I don't care, but this team possesses this weird, wacky polish I can hardly recognize.

A KJ toss gets picked? No big deal. Once the D shuts down the other teams offense we get the ball back and nab a touchdown. No problem.

The whole team is way less fragile than they used to be. A meltdown on a play - even a massive meltdown on a play - hardly rattles them anymore. They're back out there next play bigger and better than before.

And KJ leads the pack. I never thought I'd type the words of KJ being a leader on the team, but he's proving again and again that he can come back. Not just after a miscue on the field, but after that devastating loss in Edmonton a few weeks back.

You remember... the one where the team forgot to switch on their brains after the half.

This team looks confident, poised and ready.

And after seeing their fans dripping wet waiting for their team to come back and win on Saturday night, I have no doubt: This team is on a mission.

Get 'er done boys!

Weather

For those who might be hearing reports of flooded basements in Saskatoon due to rain of biblical proportions over the weekend, I thought I would put up a quick post to say all is well.

Our basement is dry and we didn't get anything more than handfuls of pea-sized hail. They were driven by high winds at the time, but we survived unscathed.

We did get winds, rain, and the longest, most intense lightning storm I've ever experienced. The thunder wouldn't let up for hours - it remained a constant grumble from about 1 a.m. to 6 a.m. interspersed with loud crashes and cracks, while the sky lit up like daytime from near-constant flashes. The power went off at least twice.

This occurred, not once, but two nights in a row. The second night our area (Dundonald) recorded six (6) inches of rain.

The storm sewer system was overloaded from Friday's deluge so I have no doubt that Saturday night's six dripping inches saturated even more basements.

Total precipitation over the week, as reported by various news outlets, roughly eight inches soaked some areas around Saskatoon.

We've been asked to curb water usage as the city is expecting more rain in the forecast and the sewer systems are already at capacity and have no where to drain to as drainage ditches and ponds around Saskatoon are brimming already.

Here's hoping the rain will pass us by over the next few days... or else someone should start building an ark.

Pictures of the new place

Here are pics of our new house, including our kitchen appliances which arrived yesterday. They are so pretty!

The Move

Our move could not have gone more smoothly. And we have dozens of friends and family members who helped make it possible. First and foremost are our kids... (aren't they cute little slaves?). Both Mikaela and Logan helped load and unload Lynn's van each day. We made one trip a day and it definitely helped on the final moving day when we had the truck.
Lynn's van came in very handy, although we both missed our "real cars".

I was trying to get a picture of Mikaela moving a box, but she wouldn't stand still! After several attempts I finally had to get them to stop and stand still so I could take the first one in this post.

After unloading one day, we were all impressed by the size of the bathtub and so these three goofs tried to fit in it... at the same time. This was taken on moving day when we had the big truck. It is also proof that our nephew Kevin actually works (sometimes). Though I'm pretty sure Melissa is telling him what to do.

We celebrated finishing the move a day early by inviting everybody over for a huge shin-dig at the new place. My mom catered with a huge spiced roast and salads. Everything was delicious and we all decided my mom can cater anything anytime anywhere!

Of course, we didn't get a picture of the 30 or so people in the place that night!

Camp

I'm finally bloggin' with pics today! Yay me!

I'll start first with our recent trip to Heritage Lake Bible Camp. Yes, that's right. Richard and the kids finally dragged me out with them to sleep in a tent for the very first time.

So here we are setting up the tent. Or as it is known... The Mansion. It has a foyer, two bedrooms and a common area in the middle. Oh and sky lights.


This is Logan helping to set it up and looking pretty darn cool in his new shades, I might add.

The kids are always very helpful when we're doing things. Here's Mikaela trying to get a stake to cooperate.

Mikaela is testing the water at the lake, which is notoriously cold from being so far north. It wasn't that bad this year and we did spend a very enjoyable afternoon on the beach. I got my nose burnt and Richard looked kinda lobster-ish for a few days... but what are holidays for, right?

Logan and Dryden are negotiating what to do with the dingy apparently... while Trevor looks on.
So what was my first camping experience like?

Other than the fact that it rain every night. And stormed most nights. And a rather close encounter with a spider on the first night, I rather enjoyed myself. The camp is nestled right in the midst of the woods and as such is very quiet and peaceful.

That part I like. The spiders I can do without.

Top 10 things I love about my new house!

I know everyone is wondering where I've been.

First we moved. Then went to camp for four days. Then went back to work. Then attended a farewell for a friend who went back to Korea. Then spent an evening helping friends of ours move (in between watching the game on Friday night - Yay, GREEN!). Then yesterday we spent 12 hours moving another friend of ours (into our old duplex).

Today we set up Logan's new bunkbed and unpacked the rest of the boxes in his room.

Now I'm spent. (And I have arbitrarily decided no one I know is allowed to move for a while!)

But I did want to share just how much we're enjoying the new house. We aren't just enjoying it... we're loving it! The longer I'm here the more I discover to appreciate about it.

The hardest part about living here so far is the location. But I'm sure we'll get used to that in time. It just means we plan our outings a little more in advance and try to group them together.

I thought I would share some of the things I love about my house...

(Pictures are forthcoming. I found the camera AND the cable to connect it to the computer, but now the batteries in the camera are dead. Sigh. So they are charging as I type this.)

1. My island
There is no other feature in my kitchen that I adore more. When baking it is an absolute joy to collect ingredients and measure, pour and mix with such a large amount of space accessible from all sides! I rolled out pizza bread the other day without having to put a single dish or bowl on the stove - a place I used as extra counter space sometimes, with often disastrous results.

2. My pantry
My pantry has it's own light switch! I've been known to walk in and close the door behind me. Just because I can. (Cool hiding place, too, when Momma don't want be found, if y'know what I mean...) Now it has big blue recycling bin on the floor, so I can't do that as easily. How have generations of housewives managed without one, I wonder.

3. My diningroom and kitchen area
This is my favourite new place to have tea. Even if the big beautiful windows only look out onto my backyard, it's a wonderful view anyway!

4. My veranda
No better place to watch the sunset. I definitely need to track down a rocking chair or a wicker chair to put out there. It's so nice and relaxing in the evenings. I haven't had much time yet to be out there, but soon...

5. My shower
Can not tell how absolutely spoiled I feel to have a hot shower in my ensuite and then jump into my pajamas and crawl into bed. It's an addictive habit.

6. Stairs, stairs and more stairs
It forces me to slow down and think before I go dashing off to a certain room to grab something. Sometimes I've gone downstairs to the basement to grab something, gotten distracted and found myself back up in my bedroom without said item. Two flights of stairs down and two flights of stairs back up gets tiring after a while! Slowly I'm learning to think ahead.

7. Wall colour
I love the colour of our walls. It's a very versatile taupe colour. I love that it's not white or off-white. And yet it's soft and bright and manages to complement most of our decor.

8. My washer and dryer
My laundry machines make so little noise, I have to watch for movement in the drum to make certain they are on! Mikaela spent about an hour one day watching her new bedding going round and round. Better than most of the stuff on TV! Another fabulous part about our laundry pair... I don't have to share them anyone else!

9. Bathrooms
I've mentioned the shower in the ensuite, but really having three bathrooms in the house is a blessing. No more rushing when everybody has to go at the same time (which happens with regular frequency in our family. How odd...)

10. No basement development
We can do whatever we want to the basement - set it up completely to suit our needs and fancy. It will eventually house our computer room/office, a family room and a laundry/utility room. Right now it's pretty much a chaotic mess! But the best part about having no basement development... NO TENANTS DOWNSTAIRS! Yippee!

Other cool features: lots of mirrors, windows and storage!

Listening to: Greg Sczebel
Pending assignments: some... not sure really...

Phone!

Our phone is no longer connected to the old house. So if you're trying to get a hold of us today, please use our cell phone numbers. Thank you!

The moving truck arrives tonight at around 5:30ish. Hopefully, I will have the rest of the house packed by then. ; )

See everyone soon!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I yelled myself hoarse. Again.

What the heck was that?

This is the only team I've ever known that consistently snatches defeat from the jaws of victory.

I am sick. Frustrated.

Yuck!

Get. It. Together.

I'm taking a breather from Rider games... having hopes dashed too often is not healthy for this fan. Next Saturday we host Edmonton and I will be moving. So I'll be distracted with the moving truck, boxes, chaos... etc.

Go Green! Yeah... right...

Pictures

These are pictures from earlier today at the official handing over of the keys. That is me standing by the back door, while Richard and Sheldon check out something on the sprinklers. (All pictures by Logan)

That's Mikaela beside the new fence and our flowers.

That's Mikaela again pointing to the deck plate where our new deck will go later this summer. Right, Richard?

That was Logan taking a picture of himself taking a picture of our ensuite.

That is the light fixture in our dining room. Without a table underneath it Richard kept whacking his head.

This is our first picture on the walls of our new house. It was a gift for Richard and he unwrapped it at the new house. It won't stay in this location in our dining room, but this nail on the wall happened to be handy.

This is Mikaela peeking out of the storage area on the landing on the way upstairs.

This is our car parked in front of our new house. In case anyone is interested, the house next door (the one on the right-hand side) is for sale. $290,000.

Okay. That is all the pictures for now. Reality needs some attention before we can truly call that home.

Jubilation... and reality

We have keys!

We stood in our own house. Our house. Our very own house.

It was so exciting! I'll post pics as soon as I can track down the camera again.

It seemed even more beautiful than we remembered.

Unfortunately, I came home several hours later and reality came crashing back in.

Ah yes... there is a lot of work to do. There is more packing. Lots of hauling. More cleaning, wiping, scrubbing.

But it does feel so great!

Post-game blog post

Ok. Technically there was still 32 seconds left when I shut it off, but the game was done a while ago in essence.

The only good thing to come out of tonight's game was I learned how to watch TSN games on broadband. Worked slick, once we figured out where all the links were. (Check out tsn.ca if you want to try it!)

But back to the game...

Or lack thereof.

I can not make excuses for this team. They've got the talent, the coaching, and this year (for a change) a playbook. Yet they could not pull it together tonight. They looked like a bunch of rookies playing high school football for their first game.

There are no excuses left. We've seen what this team can do. And tonight they didn't just fail to live up to expectations, they failed to show up for the game.

And I think they can no longer afford to do that. They've given Riderville a taste of victory - not just scraping by and winning by a few threads on a football seam, but actually winning a game like we know what the heck we're doing and not many fans are going to stand for anything less.

Three things I was happy to see: Fantuz finally stepping up to the plate and CATCHING a ball. They need to get the ball to him when he's hot and open.

The second thing... Austin actually pulled the quarterback. I have screamed myself hoarse in previous seasons trying to communicate to the previous coach the value in changing up the playmaker.

However, those pleadings fell deafly on my TV as Barrett would often refuse to pull the QB until too late in the game to make a difference. What's the point in changing quarterback's in the fourth quarter when they have just 15 minutes to clean up a game's worth of mess?

Having said that, I do believe KJ should have been tossed back into the game when Crandell threw his first pick. The change may have kept some positive energy going, rather than letting it die completely.

And the final thing I was thrilled to see... going for it on third down! And it paid off more than once. The 3rd down gamble can often generate badly needed momentum and can change the entire direction of a game. (If used properly.) There's always risk involved, but hey... in a game like tonight could they have gotten much worse?

I see some tremendous potential because these things demonstrate Austin's creative playmaking genius.

However, I am completely dismayed at the team's lack of consistent effort.

Receivers need to catch the ball. Tossers need to toss.

And the gladiators... well.. actually they did a pretty good job. If not for their gritty play, the game could have been much much worse.

Inconsistency is the only consistent thing for the Roughrider fans for far too many years. So let's hope this one massacre at Mosaic Stadium is the only time we look like we're still trying to learn high school football.

Because this team can do better.

And has done better.

Because the fans deserve better.

Ack!

This week we had a rather unexpected turn of events regarding our move.

The sellers are moved out already and were concerned about leaving the house empty for so long. As a result they offered to move up the possession date - if we were ok with it.

We were hesitant since absolutely everything is already booked - moving truck, furniture delivery, utilities, friends, catering...

But we decided to take the leap. We just have to get the house insured right away.

So...

We officially take possession of our house in one week.

Seven days.

Eeek!

Nothing changes for those wishing to help us move. We decided at this late date getting a moving truck would be impossible. And the utilities - forget it. So while we take possession next Friday, it'll be another week before we move in.

Exciting, yet I find myself inexplicably scared out of my mind! LOL! Homeownership is a wonderful, yet daunting responsibility it seems.

I think I need someone to hold my hand!

Anyway... here is a picture of the chaos that is slowly engulfing the entire house.

Riders romp: 49 to 8!

I think the Stampeders are still looking for the liscense plate of that green-and-white truck that just pasted them to the turf. Maybe it was a tractor.

I don't think they ever did get a good look at what hit them, as they spent an inordinate amount of time picking Taylor Field's new turf out of their helmets.

Or like Burris - lying on his back gazing up at the prairie sky.

Did you see how the Riders dug for the ball?

It was a Rider ball all game, they just loaned it to the Stamps on occasion so they could practice their defensive plays.

I noticed something on Roughrider faces that I haven't seen in a good long while... joy! My goodness, it looked this team suddenly discovered football is fun!

For a loyal group of fans crowded into the house of the only friend with TSN, we discovered another joy: cheering for a winning team! I, personally, can not get enough of DJ Flick's spectacular catch in the end zone - one handed, around blanket coverage, while falling down! How in the world...?

I predicted Austin would not let down fans and I'm not ready to gloat yet, but... honestly even I didn't see this coming.

B.C. Lions will be Saskatchewan's next victims... er... I mean... team to beat on Friday.

Pondering a mad trip to Regina just to see the green and white truck in person.

Blessed

This morning as I sip lemon tea at work, I'm looking out at a perfect blue sky.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for the many blessings God has bestowed upon our lives in the past year.

My kids have each had a wonderfully successful year at school. Hubby has seen his job responsibilities grow. My work has increased both with writing and with my part time job.

Of course, we've gotten a house, too. What a major blessing and joy that is!

But then there are blessings of a more subtle nature...

We were each spared tragic accidents and injury.

We were also spared any major illnesses.

No major emotional trauma tore apart our world.

Our kids have never known the pain and agony of watching their parents divorce.

We are lucky enough to live in a country that affords us - not only a life if impractical luxury at times - but also freedoms our ancestors probably couldn't dare to dream - freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom from social classes, etc.

Our lives are so... blessed. Undeservedly, richly blessed.

Listening to: FREE 100.3 FM

Moving details

I know several of you have been asking for details on the move - I think so you can help us. Or maybe so you can stand on our porch and mock us.

Either way here are the specs:

Thursday, July 26:
Richard and JJ take possession (also our 11th anniversary!)

Friday, July 27:
All day - appliances and furniture delivered to new house
5 p.m. Richard gets moving truck
Evening - loading up moving truck at old address (3214 McGill Street)

Saturday, July28:
Morning (exact time TBD - probably about 9ish) - empty moving truck at new address (131 Blakeney Cres)
Second load will be organized after first load
5 p.m. - Richard takes moving truck back
6 p.m. - Supper at new address (131 Blakeney Cres)
Roast beef, buns and salad, courtesy of my mom, Jackie

Driving instructions for new house: Drive west on 33rd past Wedge Road. Keep going until you think you're about to leave the city. Turn left onto Steeves Avenue. Take the first or second right. Both are Blakeney Crescent. Parking could be an issue, so you may have to park on Steeves and then walk. We're closest to Steeves on the second right hand turn. Our house is on the south side of the street.

Driving instructions for old address: McGill is one block north of 14th Street, just off Acadia Drive. We're really close to the Circle drive on-ramp.

Please email me or call before the move to get our cell phone numbers if you want them. I won't publish them here.

Countdown to move: 22 days!

Listening to: fish tank making weird noises
Pending assignments: none! Woohoo!

Countdown

We signed our last rent cheque today.

The moving truck is booked.

There are just 29 days until we move.

It's so exciting and so nerve-wracking all at the same time!

Listening to: neighbours next door hammering, sawing, and using some sort loud power tool...
Pending assignments: zero!

Woohoo!

There probably isn't a worse place on the planet for the new and improved Riders to start their 2007 season than Montreal.

However, Austin's lean mean green machine played flawlessly and started the season on a winning note.

They didn't hang on to win.

No.

They played an error-free game under a new coach, with a new playbook, with new teammates. And they didn't win by a field goal either.

They won by nine points.

Nine stinkin' hot points!

Not to mention the defensive line netting seven sacks against Calvillo.

And my hubby will be happy to hear KJ actually threw the ball for a 34-yard touchdown.

It's too early to say whether winning thing will stick, but Austin has given Riderville something they haven't had in decades... a win in Montreal.

All I can say about the new Riders is this: me likey.

Listening to: TV
Pending assignments: yahoo! none!

Summer holidays

It's here! Summer holidays are here!

[doing the Snoopy Happy Dance]

Okay... so it's one job out of three that are one holidays as of today, but still...

[back to Snoopy Happy Dance]

Besides tomorrow morning when I finish my papers at roughly 6:30 a.m. I will be done another job and it too shall be on permanent summer vacation.

[again with the dancing]

And then on Monday my kids go to Grandma's for a two weeks of holidays and swimming lessons.

[Snoopy Dance goes on and on...]

I have never looked forward to, nor needed, a holiday so badly in all my life. I'm not sure I will know what to do with myself... well, except for the packing and moving thing.

I never thought working part time and packing up our house to move would be considered a holiday. But in my life. Right now? YES!

Can't. Wait.

Listening to: nothing again...
Pending assignments: 0... that's zero... nil... sweet nothing!

Flowers

Thought my blog could use some colour, so I'm posting a pic of my favourite flower.

I love fuschias, but I haven't planted any for years. This little one I planted this year is blooming all over the place. Can't wait to hang it on our veranda at the new house.

I should also post a picture of my african violet. I have managed to own the thing for almost two months and I have yet to kill it! (My grandma will be so proud!)

I hope it survives until we get to the new house. I think it will appreciate the tremendous amounts of sunlight it will get there. Hopefully, I can manage not to kill it there too!

The last days...

Today was the last day of school!

Friday is my last assignment before I take off the entire month of July!

Saturday is my last day of papers!

Sunday could be the kids' last day here before they visit grandma for two weeks!

Meanwhile, we're down to our last days in the duplex.

28 days and counting...

Woohoo!

--
Listening to: Michael Buble: Call Me Irresponsible
Pending assignments: 3 assignments (BEFORE Friday)

Joys of cooking

Many people who know me, know that I love to cook and bake.

I have been making a real effort to plan meals and try new things even though the past couple of months have been kind of hectic. Mostly, because doing so brings me such joy.

One of the many things I love about cooking is the fragrant spices and herbs I try from time to time.

Today, for instance, I discovered the joy of ground coriander. It smells amazing. Something sweet and oriental.

I have chicken marinating in it right now. I can tell already that this new tandoori recipe is going to be a favourite.

The second thing I discovered today is fresh minced ginger from a jar. So simple and easy. And no mess. And nothing can quite duplicate the smell of fresh ginger.

Another thing I love to try out, along with new ingredients, are new cooking gadgets. Yesterday I spoiled myself and bought an indoor grill I'd been eyeing for a couple of years.

Since we don't have a barbeque, I figured this was a great substitute and I never have to crawl over a snowbank to get to it!

I shall report back on my grilled tandoori chicken and let you know if the new recipe lives up to the fragrant discoveries of ground coriander and ginger from a jar (who knew?!).

Listening to: nothing... odd...
Pending assignments: 3 all due this week! eeeek!

Writing, writing and then writing...

Last year I had a work slow down period that lasted from April through the beginning of August. In that time I wrote one article.

This year, I decided to bank some money and pick up a paper route to help offset the lack of income in those months. Then I added extra hours and duties at work, also to offset the dip in income that I expected.

About that work slow down? It hasn't happened. I'm still writing one to two articles a week.

This is such a blessing. I'm so grateful. Don't get me wrong.

Yet...

Well... I'd really like some sleep! Some down time even... time to just breathe, you know?

As a result blogging has been furthest from my mind at this point.

We're also starting to pack up our stuff for our big move at the end of July.

Some days I feel if I stop moving I'll just sleep for a week.

My paper route ends at the end of June, so hopefully things will start tapering off.

BUT... I have made a few decisions regarding my life.

First, my goals are:
a. To become a self-supporting freelancing writer OR have a writing-related job that allows for some fun freelancing assignments
b. To become a published author of non-fiction books
c. To become a published novelist

To accomplish the first thing, I've begun contacting businesses and organizations that I think might use freelancers for the production of newsletters, press releases, reports, website copy, etc.

Out of 15 emails, so far I've gotten six responses. This is very encouraging. (And a very good return rate, I must say!)

In the process I've had someone chat with me about a fulltime copywriting gig and I've applied for a fulltime writing job with a publication in the city.

The bottom-line is this... in the next two months my life is going to change dramatically. Not only will we be relocating within the city (and dealing with all the adjustments that come with a new neighbourhood, new school, etc), but I will most likely have a very different work world. I'm not sure what that will look like in the end, and that's a bit scary to say the least!

Listening to: silence
Pending assignments: 3, I think...

Mikaela's dance

After a week-long blur of yellow sequins, blue eye shadow, bobby pins, hair nets and dippity do, Mikaela's first year of ballet is over.

Last night the Saskatoon School of Dance presented their year end recital at TCU Place. The three-hour long program was a delightful mix of traditional ballet, tap, and jazz with contemporary lyrical and hip-hop. Not to mention the fantastic energy of the Ukrainian dancers and Irish dancers.

We had a wonderful time watching all of the dances. The hip-hop crew were outstanding. We all loved the Ukrainian dancers with their colourful costumes and energetic routines.

However, the little sunflower number towards the beginning absolutely stole the show. For us anyway!

That's where our little girl shone beautifully. We were so proud of her. She handled the big stage at Centennial with poise and a big smile. I couldn't take pictures during the recital, but managed to grab some in the previous two dress rehearsals.

Enjoy!

This is her looking absolutely petrified just before the final dress rehearsal on Thursday. Once she was out there, though, she looked so calm you would have thought she'd done it a million times!

This is the group on stage:

To commemorate her first time on the stage Grandma and Grandpa sent her a pink gerber daisy. Thank you, Grandma! ; )

Disappointed

I think the title of this post would make a good title or subtitle for my life.

Disappointed.

Yet again, dreams and hopes have been dashed to bits. The writing project went to another writer.

So I give up trying to figure out what God wants. I will take the communications assistant job or else stay at the centre.

Either way I'll look like an idiot.

Either I have to tell the centre I'm leaving after I told them I wouldn't (twice).

Or...

I tell this company I don't want the position after I turned down an interview the first round and then insist I really want the job on the second round.

Like seriously... am I schizophrenic?

Why does it seem like I don't know what I want?

I do! I want a job that allows me to write AND provide for my family. Why do those things seem so mutually exclusive all the time? And why, no matter how much experience I gain or how well I do at things, do both of those things seem so elusive?

How do I choose between my dreams of freelancing, which offers flexibility and freedom to be there for my kids, with the stability of a fulltime job, which would mean little freedom to pursue freelancing and other activities, but a higher more stable income?

Is there a right or a wrong answer here?

Why does God seem to open doors in prayer and then slam them shut again?

Is he trying to tell me something or am I just supposed to figure this out on my own? Is he yelling the answer or whispering it? Can I hear it or am I ignoring it?

Why on the same day that I get glowing reviews on my work from several editors, do I also get turned down for a major bit of work that I would have thoroughly enjoyed doing?

Where do I go from here?

Thanks for listening...

Listening to: nothing
Pending assignments: 3

Saturday's paper

The following announcement is entirely shameless self-promotion. Please be advised the author feels no need to apologize.

This Saturday's StarPhoenix will include the eight-page supplement that I recently wrote on the Saskatoon Police Services.

Just heard back from the editors that it came off the press this morning and everything looks great!

For those who don't live in Toon Town, you can check out the insert online. Every SP supplement is posted online in its entirety - ads included.

Simply visit Canada.com and click on The StarPhoenix from the pull down menu. There is a link on the left side called special features. Click on it and you'll see all the special features from the last year. I also have two articles in the Your Backyard feature... in case you were wondering...

I do believe there is some lag time though. So you might have to wait until early next week to see it online.

For those who live in Saskatoon, please check out the supplement on Saturday. There is some very important information regarding the reorganization of the police service.

Listening to: a heater hum in my ear (I'm at work)
Pending assignments: 2

Brain-fried

I'm going to preface everything I'm about to say with the caveat that it's been 11 days since my last day off. So I'm a little brain-fried.

I've been meaning to post something this week, but I struggled with having little of interest to post and having so much I didn't know where to start.

I had just two weeks to complete an eight-page supplement for a client. In five days I produced 5600 words of copy. I have no idea if any of it made any sense towards the end. Some of the articles I wrote, I can't remember writing.

(To check out what I did with my long weekend see the supplement in June 2's StarPhoenix.)

Despite the major assignment, I felt a low ebb in my writing confidence. I just didn't see where God was going with this. How could I make a living at this? After all I've tried before and failed.

With a huge mortgage payment looming, I felt more pressure to find an increased and more stable income.

So in the midst of my writing blur I squeezed in a job interview.

Halfway through the interview, the interviewer gave a me a look, something akin to... what in the world are you doing here?

Which was fairly appropriate since I'd been wondering the same thing since I had walked in the door.

I put on a happy face and finished the interview.

As I left, I felt panicked at the thought of returning to a job with... well... with other people.

I've been self-employed too long!

So just when I thought God had brought this job opportunity my way, I felt like I was so far away from what God wanted.

Just when I think I have it all figured out... things change, right?

So last night I contemplated my situation until far too late. I prayed God would give me a sign that I freelancing was where he wanted me.

I'm a little dense at times (and a little exhausted at the moment!) so I asked him to make the sign fairly big. Neon lights and the whole bit.

Today I got an email from a writer in the city. She'd been approached for a major writing project and had to turn it down. She was going to pass along my name, if that was ok.

The opportunity she passed on was fabulous. Big organization. Juicy assignment. Good money. With a possibility of a one-year contract later.

Woohoo!

Anyone got sunglasses? The neon lights on that sign are seriously hurting my eyes!

Ok.

I get it.

Stay at the centre. Keep freelancing. Trust Him. Walk with Him. Place it all in His hands.

I have no idea if this opportunity will work out. It sounds really positive, though. So I will praise God for this chance and pray He will keep guiding me to the right places at the right time.

And that He will take my name to where it needs to be, so that I can provide for my family. He knew all about the huge mortgage we would have when He gift wrapped the house for my birthday/our anniversary. He's not going to forget a little thing like helping us pay for it!

Now I'm going to go stuff my kids into bed so I can get an early start on this fabulous day off that's coming my way tomorrow! Woohoo!

Listening to: not much
Pending assignments: just 2 for now...

RIP

The Snowbirds lost another one yesterday. I just wanted to pause and remember Captain Shawn McCaughey. The agility, grace and unmatched skill of McCaughey and his fellow pilots at 15-Wing never ceases to inspire awe in the millions of people that watch them perform each year.

May we always remember their dedication and spirit. And may we never forget to honour their sacrifice. Godspeed Captain McCaughey.

They also serve who only stand and wait. -- Winston Churchill

Listening to: Building 429: Iris to Iris

Pending assignments: three less than yesterday. ; )

The lost art of knocking

This is a post that has been brewing for a while. I get very grumpy at my children's friends for what I call a serious gap in their social skills...

They refuse to knock.

One day (about a year ago) I walked into my kitchen to see a neighbourhood girl, roughly four years old going through my cupboard.

I recognized her, but just barely. I asked what her name was and why she was in my house.

Oh, she replied, I just wanted to come in.

I informed her that we had a couple of rules in my house:

a. You have to knock before coming into my house. This was later amended to: You have to knock AND wait for me to let you into my house before you can enter.

b. Guests are not allowed to root through my cupboards to find food unless I invite them to. This was later amended to include the fridge.

Now, since her brother also exhibited similar behavior in his firsts visit to our house, I simply chalked it up to a single family. Perhaps they just didn't have friends who reinforced simple rules like this.

This year... my children have new friends. Their new friends have demonstrated the exact same lack of courtesy. I walked into the kitchen one to find one of them making juice. I asked what she was doing.

Oh, said she, I got thirsty and wanted some juice.

Now in my childhood, in order for me to help myself to juice from the freezer and a pitcher from the cupboard to make my own juice at a friend's house, I would have to have been near delirium from dehydration. I kid you not.

Maybe I was just raised in a different environment. Perhaps it was just a different time. But I would never have dreamed of entering into a friend's house without permission. Let alone help myself to their food without them knowing.

Now this is not a hunger issue. I know these people. They might not live in a fancy home in Briarwood, but they do have money. And their children are not suffering.

Believe me, if I felt they were in anyway malnourished my good German upbringing would be sending them carepackages home every day. But this is just not the case.

So again... I'm back to trying to figure out what is the big deal about knocking. Today both sets of friends were over and both came in after I explicitly told them to stay outside while the kids packed their suitcases for Grandma's house.

I came out of Logan's room and found them standing there.

What are you doing? I asked (not amused at all).

Oh we just wanted to come in, they said after looking perplexed.

Anway, after explaining to them (yet one more time), that they need to knock before entering and stay outside if I ask them to, I shoed them outside. Both staring at me like I was speaking martian.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm just a mean old bat.

Oh the shame...! ... the shame! /sarc off

Listening to: same children running through the sprinkler
Pending assignments: I have no idea...

A watched phone...

.... never rings. Same as the pot. Just different.

I hate waiting for the phone to ring.

Nothing shuts up a phone better than willing it to ring.

I stare at it. I pace back and forth in the kitchen. I double check my recording equipment and my notebooks. I get out two pens (in case one stops working while I'm taking notes - it's happened!)

I swear it has a greater likelihood of ringing somedays if you unplug it from the wall, than it does while you are staring at it... yearning to hear it trill.

Then I start the debate...

Should I pick up the phone and call a friend just to make sure it's working?

Of course, if I do and the person calls and gets a busy signal... I look like a rude cow.

But if I don't and there's a problem in my set up... then I'll be sitting here forever watching a phone not ring. Waiting in vain for it's shrill call of victory.

It's even worse when I'm waiting for an interview subject to phone.

I start to wonder if I misunderstood the date or time. Or the instructions. Maybe I was supposed to call them and they are sitting at their end of the phone having this exact conversation with themselves.

ARG!

Listening to: my phone NOT ringing
Pending assignments: I have no idea...

Reality Monday

I love Mondays.

For starters, the paper on Mondays qualifies as more of a pamphlet so I can do my whole route in one trip in 30 minutes.

As well, I don't work much on Mondays. I try not to book myself clients at the centre (though it does happen on occasion). And I try not to book myself interviews or writing assignments for Mondays if I can avoid it.

Monday is my chance to catch up on house stuff and just basically... chill.

So I'm sitting here listening to my new Michael Buble CD with a hot cup of tea.

...

Ah...

...

Yup. This is why I love Mondays. Relaxing with Michael's velvety voice and old school jazz.

Beautiful. It is so important to carve out these moments. Savour them. Because these moments provide the fuel for the rest of our lives when we can barely catch our breath.

Listening to: Michael Buble: Call Me Irresponsible
Pending assignments: 12-15

Possession date

We take possession on our 11th wedding anniversary - July 26.

The date was picked by the sellers. Initially, they had chosen Friday, July 27. In fact, the four of us chatted about how Fridays were a good day to take possession. As we went to write it down, he changed his mind at the last second and said to write down Thursday, July 26 instead.

He didn't really give a reason. Just wanted to give us an extra day, I guess. We shrugged and nodded.

When we got home and told my mom the possession date she said, "What a lovely anniversary present!"

I said, "Oh? Who's anniversary?"

Ha! Because we basically eloped the date isn't exactly burned on brains like it is for most couples.

God is so cool. He worked it out so the house was purchased on my birthday and we take possession on our anniversary. He definitely paid attention to the details on this one!

Listening to: Richard play nintendo and Logan and his friend brush their teeth (they're using a timer so that they do it long enough, too!)
Pending assignments: about a billion!

Woohoo!

Word came down from official-dom this morning... our financing was approved. So all conditions on the sale of the house have been removed.

All we have to do is sign the papers about a week before possession.

So... wow!

Excitement has set in. That house is ours! OURS!

Anyway, just had to share in the joy with everyone.

Listening to: Iris to Iris (Building 429's latest)
Pending assignments: about a billion...

Layout

Because our new place is a Dundee Home, I can show you the layout. Follow these instructions...

• Visit Homes by Dundee
• Click on Dundee Homes
• Click on Two-storey
• On the left-hand side click on The Springfield

There you go. Enjoy!

For those thinking it: yes, the new home warranty will transfer to us.

And thanks for all the phone calls, emails and kudos. We are so grateful to celebrate with all of you. We're going to be doing a happy dance on Friday when the deal closes.

Listening to: FREE 100.3 FM (I'm at work)
Pending assignments: 2

More pics

Above is another view of the kitchen. (The appliance DO NOT stay.) The view from the front door is below...

The upstairs bathroom:

Here are two views of the master bedroom:

There you go! Gotta go get Mik outta the tub.

Pics!

Ok. Several have been asking for photos. They took down the listing already, so we're scrambling to get some photos for you to see.

Here are some we managed to salvage...

That's the front entrance. This is the kitchen and the dining room below that.

Below is the ensuite. There's a shower behind the door on the left.

That's it for now. I'll try to post more pics later! Enjoy!

Praise God!

For those who haven't yet heard the joyful screaming emanating from various spots in Saskatoon...

We got a house!

We did a private sale with a delightful couple. Yesterday they accepted our offer and today we dropped everything off at the lawyers and our mortgage broker. By the end of the week it should be official barring any unforeseen disasters.

The house is in Confederation Park (Blakeney Crescent). We are on the edge of the city, about a half block from a farmer's field.

Here are the specs:

• 1448 square feet
• Victorian-style two storey with veranda
• Massively humongous ensuite with shower off master bedroom
• Walk-in closet
• Island and walk-in pantry in kitchen
• Home was built in 2005

To get to it:

• Drive to the end of 33rd Street and turn left.
• Blakeney Crescent is the first right.

It doesn't feel real. The news is sinking in for us. We feel rather numb.

It is just such a relief.

Listening to: Newsboys!

Pending assignments: 1 (possibly two, I have to phone one of my editors now!)

Cursed!

I think we are cursed when it comes to getting a house.

Seriously.

Hubby and kids piled into the car this morning to meet our agent at a house just down the street from us. Nice location. House needs a little work, but it looks cozy from the outside.

Outside.

Unfortunately, that's all we ever got to see.

Our agent mixed up the times and sat there and waited for us an hour earlier. He then moved on to other appointments.

He's booked for the rest of the day. Our regular agent is also booked.

Another lost opportunity and we didn't even get inside!

Has anyone else ever in the history of the planet had so much difficulty buying a house?

Sigh...

Not sure what we will do.

I'm so sick of this dangling over our heads. I'm so sick of everything being up in the air. I don't do well with unsettled. And yet here we are with everything unsettled. For a long time.

One more crack at it tomorrow and then I gotta take a breather and think.

I don't think there is much used continuing really. We're dragging our kids and ourselves through disappointment after disappointment. (Kids not so much because we don't tell them when we are making an offer - they just get dragged to house after house after house after house...).

So it will be over soon. Either way.

Soundtrack of life

I'm a huge fan of music. It takes incredible restraint on a weekly basis on my part not to have ever-growing stacks of CDs everywhere. Trust me.

Today I pulled out some oldies... Phil Collins (Serious Hits: Live), Take That (British boy band from the 90's - Robbie Williams being the most famous member) and the Earth Tones (a little known Canadian group who operated out of Calgary briefly).

It is then I realized I had grabbed a handful of CDs that I purchased when I was dating Richard.

I was busy celebrating my new found independence and for the first time in a long time I bought what I wanted with my own money. I think I averaged one or two CD's a week!

As I've listened to them a million memories have floated to the surface of my brain...

Driving around in Medicine Hat with Richard so I could practice for my driver's liscense.

Spending afternoons walking through Police Point Park (later decimated by the flood).

Lounging and laughing over specialty coffees at Cafe Mundo. (Starbucks before there was Starbucks).

Richard tossing me headfirst into a high-power sprinkler at a city park at night. It would have hurt if we hadn't been laughing so hard.

Walking, lots of walking, to various dates... to shop, hang out, or go to movies.

Seafood lasagna at BPs (and the flirty waitress!).

There's the time I stole a display shoe from Richard's work to display at my work. Richard and his coworkers never notice, but a customer did. He wanted to buy their shoe from my store. So rather red-faced, I had to explain he needed to go to Forzanis for that one. (I'm sure my District Manager would have been impressed...)

There's another time when we threatened my teenage cousin with a serious beating if he left the house while we were at the movies because he was grounded. We even joked about phoning him every ten minutes.

When we got to the theatre and realized the show we wanted to see was sold out, we grabbed a quick coffee and returned home. Upon return we found him gone! You should have seen his face when he walked in an hour later.

His excuse? He needed to take something to a friend's house, because his friend was grounded and couldn't leave the house. Oh the logic of a teenage mind!

There were trips to Echodale and every museum and art gallery we could find.

Isn't lovely how a group of songs can transport you back in time? It's wonderful.

Listening to: How Deep is Your Love, Take That.
Pending Assignments: 1

The morning after

A bubble bath and a good cry can do wonders for a woman's soul.

Last night it did squat.

I came out of the tub just as sad, confused and frustrated as when I went in.

I tried praying, but my words kept being interrupted by sobbing. In truth I had no idea what to pray.

And on today of all days this isn't the headline I wanted to see on the front page of the SP.

It has driven home the point: I don't think we'll be getting a house. I just do not believe it is possible.

I do believe God is trying to tell us something and I think ten months of rejected offers and missed opportunities is enough to finally get it. We're not getting a house.

Please don't email with rah-rah speeches about God having a plan, about no situation being hopeless, about him listening and answering prayers.

God does answer prayers. Just not these ones.

God does help in hopeless situations, just not this one. We've had ten months of hopelessness. If was planning on showing us how we can trust him in hopeless situations, I think he missed the boat last night. This isn't going to be one of those stories of miraculous 11th hour interventions.

God does have a plan. It just doesn't include a house for us.

I don't know why. I don't know if we've done something horrible that makes us uneligible for housing. I don't know why others can do it and we can't.

All I know is someone last night took an offer for less money. They went with an offer with no conditions.

I understand why. The sellers are building a house and have to clear their own conditions or else they lose their new house. And in order to clear their conditions they had to have an unconditional sale.

The thing is... we could have cleared our conditions quicker than we indicated... we just didn't know their circumstances.

So I get it.

It isn't just a stupid, crazy market that went berserk. It isn't just a myriad of strange circumstances that prevent us from having a house.

It's us.

We're just not supposed to have a house right now.

We've taken up the time of four realtors and one mortgage broker. We've basically wasted their time.

Richard and I are going to take the next couple of days to think about our next step. If there is a next step.

Thank you for all the prayers. I am humbled by how many were praying for us through this ordeal. It appears it didn't help. I'm sorry about that.

Listening to: the fish tank
Pending assignments: 1

No house

The house went to someone else. : (

Sorry... I'm sad.

Offer submitted

Are ya sick of our house hunting saga yet?

Yeah. So are we.

Tonight we put in an offer on what will be one of our favourite houses. It has everything we have wanted and a few things we have wished for.

Our offer included a letter we hope will give the owners a peek into our plight. Our desperate, I'm-so-sick-of-house-hunting, pullleeease accept our offer.

We will know probably late tomorrow night.

Will keep y'all posted...

Updates

No house.

We're feeling more confident and more optimistic though. (Despite reports last weekend of a small bungalow going for 50 over list in Haultain of all places!)

We know that this is a difficult market. We know that we're batting with two strikes against us(no equity and no desire to submit an offer without asking for a home inspection).

We have broadened our search somewhat. We've looked at a couple of houses in Martensville. Nothing has worked out so far. But I believe and I choose to stand firmly on hope.

I said to Richard the other day in a moment of near despair..."We have half the countryside praying for us!"

After a moment of thought, I added, "Imagine how bad things would be if we didn't have anyone praying!"

We'd be living in a tent on one of the University campuses I have a feeling... or we'd have a house that would be sitting in rubble around us...

It's enough to make a person shudder.

Seriously, thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your patience with us as we have become a one note song as of late.

For those who have sat with us, cried with us, hugged us and loved us through one of the most frustrating seasons of our lives we thank you. We are blessed to have so many near to us (and far away from us) who have been such a wonderful support to us.

So thank you.

The lessons of this temporary desert (at least I hope it's temporary!) have been many. Richard and I have learned many hard lessons in trusting our instincts, trusting our REALTOR (R) and learning to trust each other. After ten years of marriage we always have something new to learn about each other.

Another lesson is simply that patience is not something acquired quickly.

Instead of focusing on how difficult of a trial this has been, I have been shifting my focus to what a blessing those lessons have been. When another trial comes (perhaps even more difficult than just trying to find a material possession) I am certain the lessons from this desert experience will come back to bless us.

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12.

Listening to: not a thing! (that's odd... let me put on some Newsboys quick...!)
Pending assignments: 4... I think...

Sigh...

For those who haven't yet heard, we didn't get the house in Martensville.

I'm not sure I have much to say. You'd think the disappointment would hurt less after this many times.

We'll still keep plugging away, but no house we ever get will be worth this much stress, time, energy or pain.

My newly-rekindled hope has now faded again.

Listening to: Mikaela each tortillas and watch Lord of the Beans
Pending Assignments: 3

Miscellaneous thoughts on Saturday

I suck.

I suck at giving my problems to God. I'm so used to carrying them myself. Trying to control everything myself is exhausting. Does anybody have a solution for this. Is there a pill I can take? An herbal remedy maybe?

I'm totally grumpy today. My head hurts. The snow mold allergies have returned with a vengence. I'm managing, but with a steady stream of advil.

We also went to look at a house today. It was lovely. Really lovely.

It's in Martensville.

Mar. tens. ville.

Didn't really want to move outside the city, but we have no choice.

Still the location is lovely. The house is lovely. The deck is lovely. The yard is lovely. I'm certain my man would even say the 24 X 24 insulate garage was also lovely - even though it did need a wee bit of work.

(We're making an offer on it today. We'll know if it's ours by tomorrow night. Will update you all then!)

Aside: I'm also heartened about our prospects by the fact more and more houses are being listed. In the last 24 hours 93 houses have hit the MLS system in Saskatoon! That's an awful lot compared to a few weeks ago.

With an offer pending, I'm worried and afraid to even hope. Having so many offers rejected makes a person skittish, you know? Afraid to trust. Afraid to let go.

In addition, I've let a couple of things really eat at my this week. And they really have no place in my life and no reason to eat up my strength and energy. They're not mine to fuss over.

In short: they don't belong in my bag!

They belong in God's.

So here is my attempt at trying to hand them over to him: (again!)

Dear my heavenly father;

Lord, I have taken several things from your back and put them in mine. They are weighing me down. They have sapped my strength and exhausted my joy. My patience has worn thread bare by trying to carry burdens that aren't mine to carry.

Lord, I give them back to you. I place them and my whole being in your hands. Let your will be done with them. With all of my worry and misplaced energy, have I helped these issues even a little? Of course not. I wasted my energy.

Lord, no matter how many times I grab them back, help me to remember that they are not mine to fret about. They are yours and I have given them to you. Help me to let go. Help me to not be afraid of letting go.

Jesus help me to take up your yoke instead. And walk in your rest.

Father, thank you for the beautiful warm sunshine today. Thank you for the many blessings you give us each day. Thank you that I am surrounded by friends and family who love me and family. Thank you for friends and family that I can bless right back.

In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Listening to: Outkast - Hey Ya!

Pending assignments: 2

Thoughts on a Friday

(I really need to come up with better titles.)

Here's something I've learned recently. If you're weighted down with something you can't move too quickly. In fact, your overall coordination will be tasked - leaving you stumbling and unable to accomplish the physical demands you may normally find simple.

This I realized this morning as I hauled around a bag of Friday papers - complete with massive top package (also known as a bundle of flyers).

If I didn't split my route in two I wouldn't be able to lift the bag over my head with all the papers! In fact, the second part of my route is the bigger part and it takes all my strength to waddle down the first few blocks with papers hanging in the front pouch and another glob of papers smacking me in the butt.

I'm pretty sure there are several early-risers on my route that are getting a good chuckle as I sway and stagger down the street under the weight.

I walk the equivalent of 14 blocks with this mega-ton clingon.

By the end I'm moving a good clip. I'm usually famished by then and also fairly chilled. I want nothing more than some warm tea, a banana, and yogurt. (Toast follows later!)

Of course, as I go through the route I deposit my papers and my bag becomes lighter. Imperceptibly at first, but then all of a sudden I walk with a steadier gait and my speed increases.

I realized today as I stepped on the treadmill how much easier it was to just start walking - briskly even. No large cumbersome bag swinging back and forth to knock me off balance. Just me. Just my legs, arms and body working seamlessly together.

What is my point?

Good question.

I wonder if this isn't true spiritually, too. You know, how often do I struggle - weighted down by my own worries - and I can't move gracefully through life. Instead I stumble and fall, totter and lurch.

I look anything but graceful.

Usually because I'm carrying a load I'm not meant to carry. No one has to go through their day carrying a heavy bag of Friday edition papers. (Although for an experiment, it might be fun to watch.)

So as I think of my week - how I've stumbled and staggered - I realize I've taken several concerns and issues from God's bag and put them in mine.

And their heavy.

Real heavy.

And I don't need to carry them anymore. They aren't mine to begin with.

So I shall gently place them back in God's hands.

Reminds me of these verses:

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and my load is light. Matthew 10:28, 29, 30.

Listening to: 80's music (Kenny Loggins' Footloose at the moment)
Pending assignments: 2

My first post with a pic

Hubby and I bought a digital camera before we went to Regina last week. The main purpose being to post pics here so that everyone can keep up with the Smiths.

Here are some pix of my kiddos as they went to the park yesterday.

Note the snow and winter coats.

I'm tired of the cold.

This interrupted spring is wearing on my nerves. And not just because I have to get all geared up with toque, scarf, and mittens in order to do my papers at 5 a.m. I'm just tired of it.

And what the heck... here's one of hubby from Homecoming last weekend...

Listening to: my fish tank gurgle
Pending assignments: 1

Post #138

Hi. I'm JJ and I'm a recovering perfectionist.

I say recovering because my deep-seated need for and addiction to everyone else's approval is an ongoing struggle. I have good days and bad.

It nearly killed me when I was younger.

I had to be the perfect daughter. The perfect student. The perfect friend. The perfect Christian.

Eventually, the perfect wife.

It was so constraining I felt like I was going to suffocate - having to keep all these judges inside my head happy.

As some of you know, I married stupid when I was 20. The relationship deteriorated rapidly, but I was convinced it was all my fault. My ex-husband convinced me everything was my fault.

And I believed him.

By the time I left I was a walking corpse. I still had a pulse, but there was little about me that was alive.

I wanted so badly to die. I would stand on my ninth floor balcony wondering if that was high enough to end the pain. I'd count out bottles of pills wondering how many it would take.

I was too scared to try. My fear of failure kept me alive.

But my perfectionism kept me from sharing my pain with anyone else. Once in a while my cover would slip, but for the most part I kept my happy face screwed on tight.

I've heard recently of people (several stories from several places) who've been working so hard at keeping up appearances, yet inside they are like a rotting tomb. They've never allowed the inside to match the outside.

As long as everything looked fine on the outside, they played the game. They pretended with their friends and family. Couldn't bear to tell anyone life was one iota less than perfect.

I become more and more testy the more someone tries to convince me they have the perfect marriage with the perfect spouse with the perfect kids who are the best at everything from sports to academics.

Pullllease.

I don't buy it for a moment so stop selling it to me.

Tough part is that no matter how good you are at playing the game (the "I'm so perfect" game), you lose.

Perfectionism will eat you alive and spit you out when it's done. It will destroy everything it touches - your relationships, your family, your marriage, your self esteem, your faith. Trust me. I've been there, done that, wore out the t-shirt.

The stories I've heard have made sad. They are stories of people lying and manipulating and covering up their sin. I wish I could show them that God's grace extends to them. And doesn't depend on us being the perfect friend, parent, or Christian.

Jesus didn't die so we wouldn't have problems. He didn't suffer a horrific death so we could get it all figured out.

He died so that we might enjoy forgiveness of sin. He died so that we could experience the freedom true grace brings.

If your faith doesn't free you, then you're trying too hard to polish the outside. Then you're trying too hard to impress people, to win their approval, to gain people's acceptance rather than trusting in Your Saviour's acceptance.

Sadly, the last thing perfectionism does is decieve us. It gives way to denial. And unfortunately, many don't come back from that. They continue the lie, continue the game and never discover the joy of truly living. In the process they destroy so many lives with their lies.

The saddest part of people like this, isn't their own pain, but the pain they inflict on others.

Perfectionism. I swear it's deadly.

My only prayer is that some of these stories will end with the truth being known to all. Fully and completely.

Listening to: Snow Patrol: Eyes Open
Pending assignments: 1

Anything but normal

Who knew a person could get so little sleep over a weekend and still find it so completely refreshing?

The hubby and I attending his 20 year high school reunion. I learned several things while there:

1. Those closing in on 40 shouldn't stay up past 1 p.m. and still expect to wake up early the next morning.

2. Laughing to your sides and cheeks ache isn't just fun it relieves a great deal of stress and highly recommend it on a regular basis!

3. Every person's life is completely unique and yet more often than not, we experience similar circumstances or life stages. It's those feelings and emotions that we have in common that create a connection. Sometimes I wish we'd spend more time focusing on those common things.

4. It's those relationships and connections that make a person's life rich and fulfilling. More time should be spent fostering and nurturing these precious gifts in our life, than pursuing the worldly stuff we get so wrapped up in.

5. My wonderful, beautiful, yet strange life isn't so strange and is more wonderful than I have ever believed. I shall treasure each day for the gift it is.


Other news...

1. I have decided to stay with my current job. We've experienced a few personnel issues and as a result, if I left the centre it would be left with no one. I just didn't want to leave the centre in such a state. When I leave I want it to be on a high note. I want to walk away with my head held high, with a divine sense of accomplishment.

I had decided the week before that whatever decision I had made, I had to make it for the right reason. I felt this was the best reason of all - stay so that I might continue God's work until he sends along my replacement.

2. Started my paper route this morning. Here's something I bet very few people realize: it is so blessedly peaceful at 5:30 in the morning. I loved every minute of it. I prayed as I strolled along - mainly just lifting my heart to God to praise him for a wonderful weekend of refreshment and all the blessings he has given to me.

3. House hunting is being released to God. We're still prayerfully exploring a few more possibilities, but my job is to keep the main things the main things. It's God's job to take care of the rest.

That's all my thoughts for this lovely, but chilly Monday morning. I have much to do today, so I better get crackin'.

Listening to: Building 429: Rise
Pending assignments: 1