Hopes dashed

Last week's enthusiasm and optimism on buying a house were completely premature.

The finances we had hoped would fall into place did not.

So house hunting is again done. For at least a year.

I don't know what else to say. I'm disappointed. Frustrated. Discouraged.

But perhaps God has a very good reason for all this. Perhaps He will have a remarkable way of turning it around.

Tonight I'm off to birthday party on the other side of the city. I'm not sure how I feel about trekking out on these roads right now, but I'm not the one driving! And that's just fine with me.

After the bday celebration, we will be heading over to Vangelli's on Broadway in support of a friend of mine who's band is doing their first gig since last August.

It's a social event and a date night all in one!

Listening to: the news (yawn!)
Pending assignments: 1, but I see another one sitting in my inbox that I haven't read yet...

Down to one!

Yes!

Doing a happy Snoopy dance here!

I've had nine articles to write in the month of February. I just finished number eight. My third for this week alone!

Number nine is a major centre spread for Living Light News and due Monday. I just finished the interview this morning.

Tomorrow I get to rest and relax. I have coffee planned with a friend in the morning and then a whole afternoon to just do whatever.

Can I tell you how exciting that sounds right now? Do... whatever. Ahhh...

After I send in this last assignment on Monday I will truly be done for the month. I hope.

(Although any editors out there are welcome to send more assignments my as the month is not yet over... and hey nine articles in a month is crazy, but so is 10... or 11...!)

Listening to: Logan make himself iced-tea with his dad's frother (it's gets all foamy)
Pending assignments: 1! WOOHOO!

Cookin'

I love to cook. It is yet another way I use my creativity. And this one blesses my family directly everyday.

Perhaps that's why making a meal plan and and cooking healthy foods gives me such joy. My kids don't enjoy these foods near as much as I do... yet, anyway!

I figure if they are exposed to it when they are young, they will think it is normal. And hopefully the eating habits they observe their parents demonstrating day in and day out will have an impact.

They are getting better at trying new things.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil a few weeks ago about obese children. It just about broke my heart to hear their stories. To start off so young and have their view of food and nutrition so horribly skewed.

And these well-meaning, but horrificly mis-informed and mis-guided parents! Giving our kids healthy food is one way we bless them, not just today but for days to come. Start them early!

Today we are having Cream of Broccoli soup with butter pan buns from Safeway. (Does Safeway not have the best buns in the city...?)

Every meal is also adorned with a big bowl of raw veggies. Many people serve salad, but none of us are salad eaters. Raw veggies my kids go nuts for.

So I make dip and buy their favourite vegetables to cut up together. I also serve low fat cheese at most meals to give Logan his calcium requirements as he does not like milk.

Cooking also helps me to release tension. Baking bread is the ultimate in stress relief.

I cook as much as I can from scratch. I figure it's healthier that way. I avoid mixes and prepared foods as much as possible.

Lest you think I am some sort of genius chef, I can assure that is not the case. My cooking skills are pretty rudimentary.

I will share a secret...

The Dinner Diva. She is an absolute gem. She sends me an email once a week with a meal plan for six dinners and a grocery list. I print it off and like today I go to the store to buy everything I need for the week.

It costs about $30 a year, but my sanity is worth it. I never have to wonder what's for supper. What a blessing that is! And that in turn blesses my family.

So I thought I would share with you one of my favourite blessings. If you think you'd like to cook more or cook healthier meals, but don't know where to start - check out The Dinner Diva.

She also has new recipe bundles for those who like to freeze meals ahead of time. Great for working moms! She has several different style of menus for those with special dietary needs like low carbs or heart-healthy, etc.

Now I'm off to finish making supper and then nose to the keyboard... er... grindstone it will be for me!

Listening to: my children make themselves ice-tea with their dad's frother.
Pending assignments: 3 (minus one tonight when I finish the latest!)

Apologies

I didn't mean to alarm anyone with my post last night.

Have you ever had one of those days? A day that taxes every ounce of patience you have? A day that jumps you a dark alley and beats the crap out of you and leaves you in a sobbing heap?

Yeah. That's the kind of day I had.

But I tried to end on a positive note. Life still must go on. The earth keeps spinning on its axis and we must gather ourselves up and try again.

When life kicks us in the teeth we simply get up and brush ourselves off and continue on.

I shall pick myself up again and again. And each time I will learn a little.

There are just times when we must allow ourselves a few moments of self-pity, a few moments of oh-my-gosh-life-is-so-hard whining, before we carry on.

I'll be focusing the next few days on self-care - taking care of my physical (eating properly - no junk food, no pepsi), spiritual (sipping, renewing, and refreshing from the well of God's grace), emotional/psychological, and social needs (meeting with friends and staying in contact with those I love through email).

As well I'll be taking some time to refill the creative reservoir by watching lots of movies and doing some creative crafting.

I also plan to try and catch some curling action over the weekend.

Listening to: blessed silence
Pending assignments: 3 - bless 'em!

Down

Life was trucking along. Things weren't perfect but then things never are, never will be.

But things were going... we were moving forward at least - we may have been jostling along in the back of a pick up on a grid road at 60 mph, but still... things were moving along.

In the space of a day I've gone from excited at my family coming back home from various parts of the province to devastated.

The meltdowns have returned.

And this time I'm bitter. Bit. Er.

I do everything the same. There are certain things I just don't mess with because I know a big fight is in store. I obsess about routines and habits - knowing the less I have to tell him to do and the more he remembers on his own, the fewer squabbles we will have.

Yet, none of it matters.

My prayers accomplish nothing. And the peaceful existence I thought had carved out for myself shatters into pieces so small they might as well be specks of dust.

I don't understand, God. I don't understand.

It always throws me for a loop. And writing becomes a painful process - as evidenced by the tears on my keyboard tonight. How do you emotionally regroup when your heart aches?

So I'm looping Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars in the background and waiting out the tide of grief.

There's still assignments to complete. There's still work to be done. There are clients to make happy. And others to chat with tomorrow.

If I just lay here... would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Random thoughts on a Saturday

Random thought #1:
I'm home by myself this weekend. The kids are with my mom and the hubby is helping to renovate his brother's bathroom in Regina.

This is all well and good. I happen to like being alone. For one thing, I always know I'm in good company. Far from being lonely, I am relaxed and thoroughly enjoying some space to myself.

Last night I went out for supper with a friend of mine. After supper we ate a leisurely dessert and sipped specialty coffees while we laughed and share. I treasure such times in my heart. God has blessed me with such amazing friends.

Random thought #2:
Looking forward to a season of growth and change. My writing continues to expand and keep me busy.

Work is also going to be going through major changes with a new person just hired and a new location TBA soon (I hope!)

I'm praying God will grant me peace - peace enough that I can speak into the tumult and chaos that will surround me over the next few months.

Random thought #3:
If God grants us a house in that time...! Wowee!

Random thought #4:
I hate shopping at Sobey's.

Random thought #5:
McCain pizza has a wonderful thin crust variety called Parisian Chicken. All the toppings are wonderful - spicy chicken, mushrooms, cheese, some sort of white sauce I forget the name of, and in a stroke of genius - chopped spinach. It's delicious. And I get to enjoy it all by myself!

Random thought #6:
I rarely have soft drinks in the house, but I bought myself a bottle of Pepsi.

Pepsi=yum!

Random thought #7:
The Riders have released their schedule. Check it out here. Or at Riderville.

Listening to: Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Edmonton Oilers (yes I'm an NHL dabbler...)
Pending assignments: 4

Resuming the hunt

It's on. Or more accurately... it's back on!

We're officially back into the house-hunting business.

For those of you who haven't purchased a house in the last ten months please realize that the market right now is extremely hot and is unlike the market in which you bought your house.

We've done this before but it's not even like the market we were looking in last fall. Things have changed that much.

Houses are going for far more than their asking prices. And they are moving quickly.

It's going to take nerves of steel, an immense amount of luck and a heavy dose of patience. And add in a little bit of being in the right place at the right time!

Thankfully, Richard and I both have this heavy stubborn streak. So here's hoping it serves us well in finding a place to call home.

Prayers for buckets of wisdom are greatly appreciated.

Listening to: the downstairs tenant belting out CCR... If that isn't incentive to move...
Pending assignments: 4

Number crunching

I always get the strongest urge to blog when I am facing a deadline. I'm not sure that's good or bad. And I'm procrastinating big time right now!

I did some comparing of this year's writing stats to last year's writing stats. This would be from the retail training I had - exceeding last year sales are always part of your sales goals. So last year's numbers are very important.

In the first two months of 2006 I wrote 9 articles. In the first two months of 2007 I will have written 12.

I also increased my pay per word. So that is progress as well.

There are but small steps - babysteps - but eventually even babysteps will get you where you want to go.

Bummer

The job at the SP went to someone internally. Nice guy. Talented too. I don't feel like I've been slighted at all.

In the meantime I have four articles due this month. Three until this morning and then I got another assignment. So things are just trucking along.

As to how in the world I will continue to keep all these balls in the air without dropping any of the important ones... I have no idea. I have begged God to help me find a way out of the high stress stakes of freelancing. But I trust his timing.

As I was typing the above, this verse came to mind:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6,7)

I've let God know my prayers. I am so grateful for the work he has brought my way. I have been blessed in abundance lately!

So I will stand on the first part of the verse: be anxious for nothing. God knows my heart, I commit to trusting his guidance.

He has blessed me with work, I will continue to trust that he will provide the strength to complete it.

Listening to: nothing... strange but true.
Pending assignments: 4

The requisite weather-related post

It's dang cold out there.

How cold, you ask?

So cold Richard said the CD player in the car didn't work until he was almost at work.

So cold our car has resorted to swearing at us every morning.

So cold about one-third of the population of Saskatoon are currently south of the border - Arizona, California, Florida, Barbados, Hawaii, New Zealand... etc

So cold Environment Canada has begun their annual carrot-and-stick routine to keep us all from running en-masse to the border or overwhelming airlines to warm destinations.

They are currently saying the high on Thursday will reach -2.

Uh-huh.

Tomorrow the forecast for Thursday will suddenly become minus a gabillion and then Friday will warm up.

But, of course, we can't complain. We can't do without our weather prognosticators. For one thing we live in Saskatchewan where half the conversations from February to June revolve weather in one form or another.

We have to access the gifted minds of Environment Canada or the Weather Network, otherwise we can't talk for five months.

And perhaps it is in their infinite weather wisdom that they understand this time of year we start to avoid them. When the forecast is five days of frigidly monotonous temperatures, what's the point in watching them. It's like knowing how the story is going to end before you read the book... so why bother?

And so the weather forecasters in our great nation resort to the bait-and-switch technique of weather reporting. They invent a "chinook" five days in advance when forecasting becomes rather iffy anyway.

The "chinook" hits in early April. It's called spring.

Listening to: back to the newboys...
Pending assignments: 3, plus one rewrite (whew!)

Unexpected

The kids came busting through the front door on Friday absolutely breathless.

"Mom! Mom!" they called. "We don't have school next week."

I nodded. True. We had talked about it all week. I was surprised that they were surprised by it.

They looked confused. "Well, aren't we going to Grandma's house?"

"No, your dad and I decided you could hang out with us for a week."

"What?!"

"Well, you've been at Grandma's twice since Christmas, I thought we should give Grandma a break," I explained trying to hide my amusement.

"A break? What?"

The two of them looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

When relating the story to my mom yesterday she said they'd been wondering when I was going to call. She assured me that it was fine. If the kids wanted to come, they were welcome. In fact, they had been expected.

So today we packed up the kids after church and Richard drove them to meet mom in Biggar, while I slaved over the finishing touches on an article.

I'm faced with an unexpected break from my kids and I find myself missing them already. Weren't they just gone? Didn't we just get back?

Truth is I haven't had a chance to catch my breath since we got back from Edmonton. And with the hailstorm of assignments it's been a taxing workload to say the least.

I've been praying that through the storm I could feel his calm and feel him caring for me in ways I couldn't even guess or have time to think about or list.

This break might be just what I need as I wrap up several articles. It's like God knew and God provided just the break I needed. Isn't He a great heavenly Father?

He provides unexpected blessings for me. He is so good to me. I'm learning this over and over.

So what unexpected blessings have you experienced recently? Have you been looking? Can you see him peering down from heaven delighting in surprising you?

Listening to: Wow worship 2004 (I know it's not the newsboys! I'm branching out. Today so far I've sampled music by Snow Patrol, Daniel Powter, Tobymac, Casting Crowns, Tait, Building 429 and Tom Cochrane. Is that an eclectic mix or what?)

Assignments pending: 4 yay!

Buy a paper!

Hey all you out in blogger world...

Buy a StarPhoenix tomorrow, k?

They will be running a story about Baby Jane that includes quotes from my co-worker Kate and blurb about our organization (Real Choices Crisis Pregnancy Centre).

The reporter couldn't interview me, because I write for the paper - making it a slight conflict of interest. And with a last name like mine, I don't exactly blend in, if you know what I mean.

Yay! How cool is that?

Listening to: newsboys: Go ... seriously, why do I even list this...?
Pending assignments: 5 (hopefully 4 by the end of the day)

Almost...

Almost there.

I've been drowning in a haze of assignments. I just put two to rest tonight. I'll do another tomorrow.

And then another for Monday. My eyes and finger tips should be square by then.

And then... next Tuesday I think I'll throw a party... or maybe just have a very long bubble bath and a nap.

In the meantime I'm so tired I could cry. I shall go insane with the tension in my life. It feels like there is a constant war between my work and my writing and I'm tired of refereeing the fight.

It's making me weepy. I also got very sad news from a friend of mine tonight. So that didn't help.

Almost there, though. Almost...

Listening to: my own fingers crunch the keyboards
Assignments pending: 5

Aha!

Ever have an epiphany? Something that is so simple and obvious suddenly becomes crystal clear. Like DUH!

I’ve been struggling for months with trying to balance everything – trying to do everything. Nothing was consistent except the constantly overwhelming feeling of being... well... overwhelmed.

Along would come a hailstorm of assignments and I’d feel defeated because everything sorta fell apart with the house, laundry and meals. Why can’t I do this all consistently!? I kept railing against myself.

Anyway… it hit me today! I don’t need to. I don’t need to do laundry consistently to bless my family with clean clothes. I don’t have to keep the house spotless every single day to keep it functional and peaceful. I don’t have to cook fabulous meals – my family won’t ever starve around here!

My life is like the tide – it goes out and it comes in. Sometimes I’m standing knee deep in work. And other times I’m standing on dry land and can barely even see the waves.

Sometimes I’m writing my fingers to the bone and then other times I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs and beating myself up for not being more productive or making more contacts and being more consistent in writing.

Then when I am busy and writing my fingers to the to the bone and still trying to do all the other stuff that I do when I’m not so busy.

Like duh!

Why don’t I just focus on writing and my deadlines and do the basics – my evening routine, my morning routine, planning meals (keeping quick meals around in reserve for times like this)? And then when things quiet down I can go back to more of the things that I do around the house – decluttering, detail cleaning, laundry every day, and other creative pursuits.

The creative life is never consistent so why would I expect my life to fall into a pattern that makes sense? The trick is to apply what works when I’m not busy writing to those times when I am. Just do it in smaller doses.

Learning to live in the ebb and flow...

Listening to: Geoff Moore & The Distance
Pending assignments: 7! eeeeeooooooo!