God bless cable repair guys

Internet is back. Yay!

I could have hugged the cable guy when he stood on my doorstep with a new modem under his arm.

"You brought a new modem!" I almost shrieked. But I managed to restrain myself. People think I'm weird enough without screaming random phrases.

I've been whining about needing a new modem for the past year to every cable repair guy and the response is always the same... "Well, it COULD be the modem, but then there's ... insert geek-speak here..."

Mainly, the tech talk related to something that would be OUR problem, such as the router. If one more tech asks me if I have a router I'll scream! I swear.

In addition they always said the same thing... "Hmm... your levels are ok, but not great. They are ok, though."

"But I don't want to be ok," I would complain in my head. "I want to be Tony the Tiger GRRREAT!"

Didn't these people realize who they were dealing with? A computer guru/tech-freak married to a writer who's research skills are limited only by her ADD-like ability to surf the internet?

Ok? Our levels are ok?

Ok is unacceptable.

But every time they came, they'd replace a new cable or switch a setting and all was well... until the next crash...

Crash meaning no access to email. No internet. Nuttin'.

And I would call Shaw support only to get asked, "Do you have a router?"

AHHHHH!

Well, God bless the cable repair guy that came today! He immediately said, it's probably the power supply.

Power supply?

Then he showed me the burned/browned label on the power supply. It wasn't the worst he'd ever seen, but almost!

"They can even blister and bubble," he says matter-of-factly. Yikes!

The new modem is tiny compared to our old clunker, but I'm very excited.

The tech then proceeded to drool over our computer.

"Ooo... dual core... ooo..." he muttered, while his partner stared at him blankly.

Apparently, not all cable repair guys are tech-freaks.

And what are our levels now you ask? They're grrrrreat! Thanks for asking!

Listening to: newsboys - Shine: The Hits
Assignments pending: FIVE! Count 'em... one, two, three, four, FIVE! help!

Waiting

Waiting...

Waiting for Richard to be done his morning work, so I can go get him and he can take me home.

Waiting for our internet to be fixed. It spontaneously decided to work yesterday afternoon, but it still crashes frequently. Which sucks.

Waiting to hear from people at work regarding a bunch of stuff.

Waiting to hear about the job I applied for.

Waiting here for Richard to be done so I can go home to wait for the Shaw repair guy.

Waiting...

Quick post

Our internet connection is very very very flaky. I'm hoping it holds long enough to post this.

Anyway, I would love to post some observations from Break Forth, but unfortunately I shall have to wait until the ISP problem is fixed. The Shaw cable guy is coming tomorrow.

In the meantime... it means I am without internet access (I shall go through withdrawals!) and email. So if you are waiting to hear from me, just be aware I will only have internet access if the monitor at work continues to hang on to usefulness by a thread. Sigh...

As well, I have several article deadlines flying around my head! Whee...

Bloggin' Break Forth #2 - Tandori

Today Richard and I spent all of our workshop sessions with Dr. Stuart Briscoe.

Briscoe is a grandfatherly man with grey hair and a beard. He is exactly like how you would picture a typical British professor - complete with sweater vest.

His style of teaching is an absolute delight. He gives lots of meat and after each new point he reviews all previous points. Everything is peppered with his wry humour.

He pastors a church in Milwaukee and has authored 40 plus books.

Clik here to visit his website.

The main session tonight was with Brian Doerkson (which was far too loud in my opinion), followed by a challenging message from renowed author Tony Compolo. I have always wanted to hear him speak. It was such a treat - even if his message was difficult in spots.

After the session the six of us headed out to an East Indian restaurant. Our friends had been planning the night out since before we got here. The rest of us, though hesitant, agreed to step outside of our norm and try something completely different and new.

The food was wonderful. I enjoyed every dish. They ordered everything mildly spicy, but we could still feel the heat.

It's nice to step outside our comfort zones. Which oddly enough was part of Compolo's challenging message to us. To go where God wants us to, we have to be willing to go where we don't feel safe - where we may feel uncomfortable. We may even miss our creature comforts.

Although going to an East Indian restaurant isn't too huge of a deal - not like moving to a different culture or anything! - but in the process we can find something thoroughly enjoyable. Like Tandori salmon.

Bloggin' Breakforth

Just finished my first intensive day of workshops at Breakforth here in Edmonton.

The guy who led it was a very funny, dynamic speaker. He told us story after story after story. I came away with so much about the art of crafting story - whether fiction or nonfiction.

Speaker's name was Steven James. He has a book coming out in August! I can't wait to buy it.

Some nuggets for thought:

If you are going to write stories from your life, you are going to have to change it.

Worst advice: write what you know. It's better to write what leads you to your passion.

Never put anything in your story that doesn't have significance.

Start at the end of your story. You won't know how to begin your story until you know how it's going to end.

The ending of your story should have two characteristics:
1. Inevitable - meaning it should be the sum parts of everything that took place before. The reader should be able to say: Of course! That's how it ends (or is solved or whatever).
2. Unpredictable - no one will read a story they aren't curious about. So if the reader knows the end before they get there... why continue reading.

All in all it confirmed what I have believed for a very long time. Stories were God's idea. Therefore there is an imprint in our hearts of what makes a good story - which is why the redemptive stories in the Bible touch our hearts - they are touching the imprint of our Maker.

All good stuff. Now we're off to have shop, have supper and then go to the worship service with Ken Davis and Casting Crowns. No idea who they are, but we're about to find out!

Listening to: hotel room heater and Richard look at his Ikea catalogue

Hmmm...

As you know I recently became much more settled in where I am in my life right now. I really felt like God was saying just enjoy where you are at this moment, look at how I have blessed you.

I was foremost a wife and a mom. My two other jobs in life were: writer and client services coordinator at the crisis pregnancy centre. I had to stop fretting and worrying and just trust God to do the rest.

I even blogged about the undeniable feeling of peace and contentment that I was experiencing.

Something I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Well, an opportunity has arisen for me to work fulltime. I'll be forwarding my application in a few minutes. This is harder than I thought. As much as I prayed this would happen for almost 18 months (yes, for those wondering, it is a position with the SP newsroom) I found myself unexpectedly hesitant.

Why? I have no idea. Perhaps simply a reticence to disrupt the comfortable routine I've been able to forge.

I asked for prayer from a couple of wise and trusted friends. I didn't feel completely comfortable applying so I put it off.

Finally, on the last day of the job posting I emailed my friend at the SP (who would be doing the hiring) and asked several questions about the position. I decided that whatever his answer I would trust it as a sign from God. God has used this man in the past to give me answers about my career plans, so I trusted the same could happen this time.

As the deadline for applying passed, I simply decided this was part of God's answer - the timing was wrong. I accepted it without even feeling that disappointed. My life was abundant as it was, right?

My friend's answer came today. And it totally made me sit up and take notice. It confirmed what I'd already suspected: the position would be a good fit for me. It will take an incredible amount of training, but it was definitely something I was interested in and (possibly) would be very good at.

Hmmm... was this God's plan all along? That I would finally learn to walk in a new measure of peace and surrender - only to have what I'd prayed for all along come flying and hit me in the face.

So here I go folks... tossing my hat into the ring. Please say a prayer for this application. Pray that whatever happens I will have the same complete peace.

There are logistics to work out and again, I'm trusting that God will work them out when and if necessary.

Thank you for your prayers. I'm on my knees in gratitude that there is even a smidgen of a possibility that this could be part of God's plan. I'm taking this step forward as prayerfully as I can.

Listening to: What else? Go (limited edition) - Newsboys
Pending assignments: 2

God is so good!

Remember how I said I pray that God takes my name to wherever it needs to go so that I can use my writing to provide for my family?

Yeah. About that...

Today I got an email from a band I wrote a profile on a couple of years ago. I've been keeping tabs on them for a while now.

Anywho... they recommended me to their indie label in Toronto to write the bio for their new album coming out in the spring.

Very cool.

Plus I posted an email to an online writer's group I belong referencing a prominent Christian journalist's recent columns.

Someone on the list works with the prominent Christian journalist and asked if she could pass along my post to her. She read it over the phone to my journalistic hero and my hero was said to be touched by my words.

Yeah. Very, very cool.

I can tell you this: God makes the best agent and marketer some days...

Soapbox

I'm up on my soap box. If you don't like political diatribes, just click the back button on your browser and go to one of your favourite websites...

I admit I've had it in for our health care system ever since they closed our rural hospital in my home town. It's not so much that they closed it, it's that they closed it and told us it was the logical thing to do.

They said that. With a straight face.

Logical, eh?

Now say you are in an accident anywhere near Wilkie, they will pack you up into an ambulance and drive 30 minutes further from Saskatoon to the nearest hopsital (in Unity) and then a doctor will look at you and say... yes they are badly injured... you must go to the trauma unit in Saskatoon.

Then they will pack you back up into the ambulance and drive the 2 hour and 30 minute drive to Saskatoon. The first 30 minutes of which will look familiar since you've just driven it.

Makes sense, eh?

(Now I admit they will if you are badly in need of trauma help fly you to Toon Town with a doctor.)

The fact that closing the hospital practically sounds the death nell for a struggling farming community holding on by a thread didn't even fizz on them.

The other part that made no sense to me was their insistence that the hospital in Wilkie wasn't accessed enough to make it worthwhile keeping it open.

Uh-huh. O.k.

The funny part was when we insisted we see numbers, they agreed to keep it open one more month while they monitored usage. They would let those numbers factor into their decision.

At a town hall meeting later they said they found the numbers dubious, because they were "too high". Therefore the community must have accessed the hospital when it wasn't necessary in order to skew their numbers.

I kid you not.

Again, they said it with a straight face like it was the most logical thing in the world, while the rest of us stood there scratching our heads.

To add insult to injury they added since we no longer had a hospital they didn't think we qualified for the two doctors we had. We only qualified for one and a half.

Excuse me? Half a doctor?

Where in the world are we going to find half a doctor? Let alone one willing to come to rural Saskatchewan to a small town with no freakin' hospital?!

Since that day I haven't exactly been a big fan our wonderful health care system. I've taken to calling it "Soviet-style health care" since it seems hell-bent on ensuring everyone receives the lowest common denominator of service.

I also resent the media telling me repeatedly that Canadians don't want two-tier health care. Really? Have they asked us? Because I can name you about fifty people that I know that would be willing to pay a user fee if it meant I don't have to deal the crap that I usually have to deal with when I access our health care system!

Like wait times. Like having wait times to see a specialist so long you should sign up to see them when you're in the cradle! Because if you sign up now you'll be dead by the time you get to see them. Like crabby nurses who are overworked in wards that are understaffed. Like beds they can't open for lack of staff.

My mother brought her dear sweet brother this week into the hospital to have minor surgery in Saskatoon. She had a major run-in with a nurse. No matter how mom tried to broach the subject of him staying in the hospital the night before the surgery, the nurse wouldn't even let her ask the question.

She interrupted her not once, but twice to say, "The answer is no" even before the question had been asked.

My uncle has many problems and his is not a normal case of anything. Surely the extenuating circumstances in his health would allow them to make an exception, right?

Nope.

Instead, they sent my mother and her sister off with a nod and "good luck" to deal with a man who's roughly four or five years old mentally with volatile blood sugar, prone to anxiety attacks all by themselves in a city they don't live in.

To say the next 18 hours were rough would be a giant understatement.

For my uncle to spend TWO nights away from home would be like the rest of us roughing it in the North country surrounded by wolves with no gun for one week.

They didn't even offer him a tranquilizer or something so at least they could have gotten some sleep that night.

When the doctor reviewed his case the next day she said everything seemed fine and had healed up nicely and she gave them a choice of whether to have surgery or not up to them. They opted to wait and see how things go.

When they told the doctor of the nurse's rude behavior the day before, she was shocked. She lamented that if she had known she would have put an order in his chart to have him admitted.

"Rules are made to be broken," she said. "And you ask anyone in this building, I've broken them all!"

(I love this doctor, btw!)

The situation resolved itself rather anticlimatically.

But my point is this: This system simply is designed to maintain the status quo. Excellence in care is the exception not the rule, because the system refuses to listen to those who have a stake in what happens: the patients and their caregivers.

But the media in this country still worship at the altar of universal health care. I'm not convinced it's the best use of our resources.

I AM convinced it's time to at least have a conversation about alternatives.

Writing and other life stuff

I've been feeling something weird these last few weeks. I'm not sure I know how to describe it...

I look at the state of our bank account and I no longer panic that I'm not doing enough.

I've written out my weekly goals and when I don't accomplish them, I'm not beating myself up anymore. I smile at what I accomplished and whisper a prayer that God will continue to provide for my needs.

The last two weeks I've had assignments spring up simply from editors calling editors and asking for names of freelance writers. (There's one lady at the SP I should buy flowers! And I never worked with her in my eight months on staff.)

When I examine my writing business, instead of seeing all the things I haven't accomplished, I see the amazing things God has done. He's brought editors to my doorstep without me even lifting a finger. All my useless fretting and He's used my time at the SP to cultivate relationships with people who've recommended me whenever they've been asked. Without me needing to fret over a thing.

Those recommendations have blossomed into lucrative ongoing (love that ongoing part!) assignments.

It's easy in a feast or famine career to always worry. You always fear there will be a day when editors will stop calling, stop emailing and stop asking. It's a fear that has haunted me and coloured everything I did.

It was like being weighed down with heavy chains. It made a work I love - pure drudgery at times.

For the first time in my life I feel like I'm experiencing ... what is this? Could it be... peace?

I've asked God to bless my writing. I pray each week He will act as my agent and take my name where it needs to go to provide for my family.

I make my list, pray over it and email it to a friend (hi Heather!) for accountability and then I ask God to do what I can not - to control what I can not. I'm just called upon to finish my assignments to the best of my ability and be the best wife and mom I can be. The rest I trust God to do.

And guess what? He does it.

How have I been so blind as to miss this before?

I know I feel so much lighter. I feel free. And I have to admit freedom is something I never been able to associate with Christianity. I must admit this feeling is ... well ... I like it!

And to think all my fussing and fretting kept me shackled, blind and never accomplished what I wanted it to.

Just had to share some of the lessons God has opened my eyes to. Our God is an amazing God.

Listening to: Barbie in Rapunzel

Assignments pending: 1

Faith journeys

This week Richard and I made a harrowing journey to the school to pick up our kids during the worst blizzard in over five decades.

On the way home, facing in the 90 km/h winds I was completely blinded. The wind gusts kept stripping off my hood taking my breathe with it and bringing that freezing cold air down my neck and back and into my ear.

I grabbed my hood and scrunched it around my face to block the gale. In doing so I rendered myself blind. I gave myself a small lookout hole and put my head down.

In order to keep myself from wandering into traffic or a light pole, I grabbed onto a strap on Richard's back pack. I clung to the strap to guide my way. I trusted him to lead me.

I must have been a comical sight. Stumbling blindly through snowdrifts, slipping on icy patches. But I never let go. I just kept going.

The second my breathe hit the air, it condensed to form an icy moustache above my lip. My leg muscles ached as we plowed through stiff drifts of snow, my hand gripping my hood began to throb and I could feel ice crystals forming my eyelashes and face.

Richard often stopped to ask if I was ok. I would always reply, "Keep going."

Whether I was ok, wasn't the point. Keep moving. Don't stop. We're not at our destination yet. Just go.

Then I ran across this enlightening interview with Peter Furler (lead singer with the Newsboys) and Christianity Today in October of '06. He talks about (among other things) how he left the church for almost 15 years and has only come back to it about five years ago.

Go on. Do the math.

I'll wait.

You got it?

That means that the stalwarts of Christian rock music who's been inviting us to live and share the gospel of Jesus Christ for over twenty years were not attending church for the majority of their careers and only came back in about 2001.

Like wow!

It's a stunning revelation. I'll let you read all of the whys and wherefors in the article.

I think in a way it highlighted for me, how much I appreciate open honesty from Christians. I don't need a bunch of people around me who have it all together.

No where in the bible does it say, "Blessed are those who have it all together and never struggle to make Jesus the Lord of their life."

I appreciate so much people who are broken. I don't wish difficult times in the lives of my loved ones, but if they haven't had those painful tribulations I don't know what they could say to me or for that matter anyone about their faith in Jesus Christ. It isn't a faith then. It's just a cerebral set of ideas. An intellectual matter. Nothing personal and certainly nothing life changing.

But in the midst of pain, disappointment and tragedy, then faith becomes faith. It becomes something precious. Something I want in my life.

I think of friends who nearly lost their dad to an often fatal illness and their steadfast prayers, but also their painful acceptance that whatever happened God had it all in hand.

I think of another couple who lost their unborn baby on the day she was to be induced. I'm in awe of the peace they exude even through the tears.

I think of another friend who took the brave step of leaving home for a far off land - where she knew neither the language or customs - knowing it would be difficult, knowing it would be a growing experience that would be (at times) uncomfortable.

Faith only becomes faith when you have nothing left to hang on to. It only becomes something of value when everything else you thought had value suddenly becomes meaningless.

Only then does it become real. Only then does it become truly alive - meaning it grows and changes.

To hear someone I respect for their energetic and profound Christian music speak so openly about their own faith journey - skipping past all the cliches... instead offering a true and real account of what they've gone through and wrestled with - it inspires me to be more vigilant about not wearing that Christian mask I so often slip on.

You know the one. The one that says to the world: I'm fine. Everything's fine. I have no problems and if I did have problems me and Jesus worked it out just fine without you. I don't need prayer and I sure don't need grace. I'm just fine and I fit perfectly in the cookie-cutter image we all have of what a Christian should be and do.

I guess in a nutshell: I want to see people in my life who's faith is not perfect. Who offer me more than mere platitudes when my life falls apart. Who know that this journey in Christ is often a messy sticky gooey chaotic trek. Furthermore I want to be someone like that.

Like me hanging on to my husband's back pack strap in this week's blizzard, we all stumble along through our journey - making mistakes and riding through bumps, often looking less than graceful.

Sometimes we don't walk in a straight line and we often can't see where we're going. And our progress is at times difficult and uncomfortable.

The goal (just like walking in a blizzard) is to keep moving. Don't stop. We haven't reached our destination yet. Just go!


Listening to: Newsboys: Go (limited edition)
Assignments pending: 1

Blizzard

I can now officially say that I have walked to school in knee-deep snow with windchills in the minus 30s into the wind both ways.

As some may be aware Toon Town is experience the clenched fist of old man winter. He wound up and walloped up us but good!

The city has become paralyzed with snow and white-out conditions. On my trek home from work (thanks be to heaven I left work before 11!), I noticed several abandoned cars on eighth street as I crawled home. I was so grateful to reach my driveway!

DH was sent home from work early, too. I told him he was on his own to get home, so a co-worker drove him around 2:00.

We then bundled up to walk and get the kids. We weren't able to get through on the phone to the school (the phone systems have been flaky all day), but we knew they were asking parents to pick up their kids. Because the bus hadn't arrived to pick them up this a.m. I figured they wouldn't be running this afternoon either.

So away we trudged through knee-deep and sometimes thigh- or waist-deep snow drifts. The second my breath hit the cold air it condensed - eventually I had mustache of ice above my lip.

We arrived at school only to discover our kids were riding their bus and the bus had just left minutes before. So we bundled up again and then made the ugly trek back home.

We phone our neighbour to tell her to watch for our kids and take them in when the bus dropped them off in case they arrived home before we did. This turned out to be the case. I was just glad my precious kiddos were spared the frost-bite-and-hypothermia-risking walk from school.

We were all glad to be safe and sound (and warm!) at home.

Our neighbour from across the street got called into work, so we had to watch their two kids. Their dad arrived about a half hour later. He told us of his harrowing journey coming home. It took him almost two hours to get from downtown to here. He said it took him about 30-45 minutes to get off Circle onto eighth street because of the uphill slope. Then he made the mistake of trying to get onto 14th - which the police had closed earlier.

But all that I know are safe and sound. God is good. He is our Shield and Protector.

A new year - no more worry

To revisit Christmas:
We were off to Dauphin for five days and I dare say I feel the tiniest bit guilty for doing absolutely nothing for those five days. It was fabulous, though! The massive amounts of stress I felt before the holidays seemed to be slowly peeled away.

Next we visited my mom and her family for two days in Wilkie. I got to see aunts and uncles and have lunch with my Grandma - a spry lady at the age of 93 with a will of iron. It brought back so many memories to sit at that table and eat sausage with potatoes and noodles. Yum!

We came back to Saskatoon and spent two days shopping. We were looking for shelves for Logan's room. I also bought several bins so we can sort out all his toys into these bins. Hopefully, it will be easier for him to keep his room clean and neat... she says with a rueful laugh...

I got spoiled by my family this year. Richard bought me a new crockpot with matching mini crockpot - both in stainless steel. Mikaela gave me a "spin spa" - a battery powered brush with various attachments to use in the shower to exfoliate and massage. You can even put your favourite shower gel inside the sponge. Logan bought me a foot spa and massager. I shall be very well massaged and relaxed it would seem!

One of my favourite gifts was wrapped in green paper and topped with a huge green bow. Inside were two shirts - a Roughrider sweatshirt and a Roughrider tank top. Woohoo! I'm set for football season.

Another favourite was my hubby's other gift of Alias season one. We spent the week enjoying every suspenseful, action-packed minute.

With the money my mom gave me I bought myself new work out clothes and a strength training book for women. The book is awesome. I started my new workout routine yesterday and my abs and arms feel it today! Oh boy!

Looking forward:
The gift I bought for myself were two books: The Power of a Praying Wife (actually part of a three-in-one book - so it includes the Power of a Praying Parent and the Power of a Praying Woman as well) and the journal to accompany Praying the Names of God. This gift may turn out to be the most important.

I've decided to make prayer and Bible reading more of a priority in 2007. So far I have learned so much. I feel like a new person already.

For starters I've learned I don't need to worry. While that may not seem like much of lesson, for this all-star fretter it's absolutely huge.

I've always felt - specifically in the last two years, especially since I left the SP - that I was supposed to be doing something else. I watched in envy as everyone else's life around me seemed to have such focus and purpose. I watched as those I knew pursued educational goals, family goals, career goals, etc and had them all come true. I was both envious and frustrated. And it fueled this deep-seated restlessness that I should be doing something else somewhere else.

But what?

I didn't know.

My prayers brought little relief, as well. I was so angry and disillusioned with God, I felt He had abandoned me completely. And the loneliness was unlike anything I had felt before.

In the meantime we tried to by a house - but that didn't work out. More pain. More disappointment. Where was God anyway?

Over the holidays I felt like God was saying in that still and quiet voice:

"JJ don't have to do anything else. You don't have to make more money or work at a different job. I have called you to do these two things - write and work at the CPC for now. It's only for a season. All you need to focus on is doing those to the best of your ability and focus on being the best wife and mom you can be. That's your job. I'll take care of the rest."

I feel like a hundred pound weight was lifted off my chest. It's such a relief it's almost hard to explain. It took a long time but I think God finally got through this thick skull of mine!

I've chosen some theme verses for this year:

Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with my arm and give you victories. Isaiah 41:10

Where you go, I will watch over you, then later I will bring you back to this land. I won't leave you - I will do all I have promised. Genesis 28:15

God bless you as you prepare for the new adventures of 2007. May God guide you, bless you and make His face to shine upon you and give you His precious peace.

Listening to: blessed silence
Assignments pending: 1