The kids left today for school. They will only be there an hour today, but I noticed something in the house after they left. And it was quite remarkable.
In their absence I have found... peace and quiet.
So much of it, in fact, there's enough here for me to fashion together some semblence of sanity again. And this year my precious twosome will be gone all day, every day. That means other than when I work, there will be this much peace and quiet every single day!
I feel like a human being again.
Tomorrow, as I launch them on the bus for their first full day of grade one and grade four, I think I'll skipping down the street back home.
Yup. It's the most wonderful time of the year!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Houses Smouses...
We looked at three houses today.
Two were in Martensville. One was an absolute no - the hair dressing spot in the basement requires a bit of renovations to get the space workable again.
The other was nothing special. I liked the layout, hated the cupboards. Hole in floor of livingroom was unusual. It just needed a bit of work.
The third was on the far outer rim on houses on the Westside - in a quaint little area called Montgomery. The area is (normally) highly desirable, unless you're in the outer rim. A trailer park was across the street. While the house was ok, it wasn't spectacular and just not quite what we were looking for.
So the hunt is still on... We have one more house in Martensville to look at tomorrow. Stay tuned...
Two were in Martensville. One was an absolute no - the hair dressing spot in the basement requires a bit of renovations to get the space workable again.
The other was nothing special. I liked the layout, hated the cupboards. Hole in floor of livingroom was unusual. It just needed a bit of work.
The third was on the far outer rim on houses on the Westside - in a quaint little area called Montgomery. The area is (normally) highly desirable, unless you're in the outer rim. A trailer park was across the street. While the house was ok, it wasn't spectacular and just not quite what we were looking for.
So the hunt is still on... We have one more house in Martensville to look at tomorrow. Stay tuned...
The non-dental dental visit
My dear son went to the dentist today for his first filling. This is part one of a two part series. He has another appointment on Friday for the final two fillings.
I had visions of this being a horrific disaster. Public humiliation is something he can be very good at. And it's been a few years since I have experienced it. Further, there are sharp, medical instruments within easy reach.
But Logan seemed pretty non-plussed by the whole affair, so I thought... hey, this might actually be ok.
So we get there and Logan sits in the big chair. Mikaela and I are but an arms-length away. The dental assistant starts explaining what they are going to do. You know the shpeil, the needle is going to feel like a mosquito bite, etc.
I brace myself. If we can get through this part, we should be ok, I tell myself.
The doctor comes in and preps.
I hold my little buddy's hand and start praying.
Nothing.
I open my eyes to see if he's ok and he's doing fine. The doctor and the assistant give him lots of encouragement and then announce they're all done. I'm like great. No problem.
But a little twinge of anxiety ripples through me when she says, "Now for the next one."
Right. He's having two fillings done. Ok. Here we go again.
He grips my hand a little tighter this time and I whisper a prayer that we can get through another one. I talk to Logan a little more about how brave he is and how well he's doing.
He squirms a bit, but gets through the second needle without incident.
Ha! I thought to myself. All my days of worry and sleepless night had been for no reason at all. Everything will be fine.
Yeah. By now, you realize this is not the end of the story.
Nope. They start talking rain coats and buttons and rings and fillings. I looked at my son's face.
Uh-oh...
In the space of a few short moments I realize the appointment is over. I try desperately to calm him down, but no good. It's like he doesn't hear me. I try calling my mom on my cell phone, in hopes that she can calm him down. He's crying and begging and begging to go home.
While I'm sure I looked calm enough, I can tell you I was in full on panic. You see, I saw the look, I heard the urgency in his voice. He either had to calm down or get out of the situation. Fast! Like now! Or we were all in big trouble.
But my mom is out of the house, so no help.
We talk to the doctor and it is agreed that we would give it one more chance at his second appointment on Friday. This time with a sedative. If that doesn't work, he'll be referred to the hospital dental and they'll have to put him under to do the fillings.
Yikes.
So my hyper-sensitive child is going to have to chug down two medicines on Friday. One tastes like mint, the other... not so much.
I'm thinking this should be fun. I'm hoping the medicine is clear, because I have this vague feeling I'm going to be wearing it. I hope it doesn't stain.
I'm thinking in the end I might need the sedation.
I had visions of this being a horrific disaster. Public humiliation is something he can be very good at. And it's been a few years since I have experienced it. Further, there are sharp, medical instruments within easy reach.
But Logan seemed pretty non-plussed by the whole affair, so I thought... hey, this might actually be ok.
So we get there and Logan sits in the big chair. Mikaela and I are but an arms-length away. The dental assistant starts explaining what they are going to do. You know the shpeil, the needle is going to feel like a mosquito bite, etc.
I brace myself. If we can get through this part, we should be ok, I tell myself.
The doctor comes in and preps.
I hold my little buddy's hand and start praying.
Nothing.
I open my eyes to see if he's ok and he's doing fine. The doctor and the assistant give him lots of encouragement and then announce they're all done. I'm like great. No problem.
But a little twinge of anxiety ripples through me when she says, "Now for the next one."
Right. He's having two fillings done. Ok. Here we go again.
He grips my hand a little tighter this time and I whisper a prayer that we can get through another one. I talk to Logan a little more about how brave he is and how well he's doing.
He squirms a bit, but gets through the second needle without incident.
Ha! I thought to myself. All my days of worry and sleepless night had been for no reason at all. Everything will be fine.
Yeah. By now, you realize this is not the end of the story.
Nope. They start talking rain coats and buttons and rings and fillings. I looked at my son's face.
Uh-oh...
In the space of a few short moments I realize the appointment is over. I try desperately to calm him down, but no good. It's like he doesn't hear me. I try calling my mom on my cell phone, in hopes that she can calm him down. He's crying and begging and begging to go home.
While I'm sure I looked calm enough, I can tell you I was in full on panic. You see, I saw the look, I heard the urgency in his voice. He either had to calm down or get out of the situation. Fast! Like now! Or we were all in big trouble.
But my mom is out of the house, so no help.
We talk to the doctor and it is agreed that we would give it one more chance at his second appointment on Friday. This time with a sedative. If that doesn't work, he'll be referred to the hospital dental and they'll have to put him under to do the fillings.
Yikes.
So my hyper-sensitive child is going to have to chug down two medicines on Friday. One tastes like mint, the other... not so much.
I'm thinking this should be fun. I'm hoping the medicine is clear, because I have this vague feeling I'm going to be wearing it. I hope it doesn't stain.
I'm thinking in the end I might need the sedation.
Monday, August 28, 2006
The hunt is on...
Back to house-hunting...
Richard and I have found few more houses we hope to take a look at. One of them is what one might call Richard's dream home. It's a cute little two-story Victorian number complete with veranda.
In Martensville.
Martensville.
That's like outside the city, right?
I'm not overly keen, but the house is adorable. We shall see what transpires. Keeping you posted on the continuing drama!
Richard and I have found few more houses we hope to take a look at. One of them is what one might call Richard's dream home. It's a cute little two-story Victorian number complete with veranda.
In Martensville.
Martensville.
That's like outside the city, right?
I'm not overly keen, but the house is adorable. We shall see what transpires. Keeping you posted on the continuing drama!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Let's talk football
Those of us in Rider Nation who were beginning to lose heart, had a very strange experience last night.
We got to watch a team be slaughtered last night on the football field and that team wasn't us!
For pete's sake I watched three fumbles in a row and none of them were from the green-and-white! That just doesn't happen. Rocky Butler did an outstanding job - and by that I mean there were actual passes and completions and touch downs going on! It's like the Roughriders went out and learned football all of a sudden.
CTV actually ran with the headline: Roughriders crush Hamilton
Can you believe Roughriders and "crush" were used in the same sentence and we were the ones doing the crushing?
Now having been on more than our fair share of good whoopins I have to say I felt for Hamilton. I felt for the coaches. I felt especially for the fans. Man do I know what it is like to watch your beloved team stumble, fumble and bumble their way from one loss to the next. I hope they can get things figured out soon.
Meanwhile, the green-and-white have won two games in a row now. In Riderville that's a hot streak.
I have to say this whole winning thing is something I could get used to! I'd forgotten how much fun it was. I hope the guys enjoy their well-deserved victory. And I also hope they start to like this whole winning thing as much as the fans do!
Cuz, I know me, personally, I could stand a few more of those winning things. Bring 'em on!
Go Green!
We got to watch a team be slaughtered last night on the football field and that team wasn't us!
For pete's sake I watched three fumbles in a row and none of them were from the green-and-white! That just doesn't happen. Rocky Butler did an outstanding job - and by that I mean there were actual passes and completions and touch downs going on! It's like the Roughriders went out and learned football all of a sudden.
CTV actually ran with the headline: Roughriders crush Hamilton
Can you believe Roughriders and "crush" were used in the same sentence and we were the ones doing the crushing?
Now having been on more than our fair share of good whoopins I have to say I felt for Hamilton. I felt for the coaches. I felt especially for the fans. Man do I know what it is like to watch your beloved team stumble, fumble and bumble their way from one loss to the next. I hope they can get things figured out soon.
Meanwhile, the green-and-white have won two games in a row now. In Riderville that's a hot streak.
I have to say this whole winning thing is something I could get used to! I'd forgotten how much fun it was. I hope the guys enjoy their well-deserved victory. And I also hope they start to like this whole winning thing as much as the fans do!
Cuz, I know me, personally, I could stand a few more of those winning things. Bring 'em on!
Go Green!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Blessings
Much of what I'm thinking today comes from the book we are studying this fall as a church. It's called Second Guessing God - Hanging On When You Can't See His Plan.
When I heard the title of the book I thought, Oh boy, this book is for you, J.J.
The last year or two of my life have been some of the most intensely painful I've ever endured. I've lost a dream job and all the financial security and personal fulfillment that it brought. I lost a dear friend. A family relationship was badly damaged. My husband developed chronic health issues. And my son began acting out with uncontrolled rages again.
The rug has been pulled out from under me so often I thought after a while I'd just stay on the ground and wallow in my despair. It seemed easier, besides it's much less painful to fall from down here. My heart felt like it was being slowly cut into pieces. Not since my divorce have I faced such seemingly unending personal traumas and conflict.
I've often looked around and wondered, Why, God? Why?
Yet in the midst of my anguish and fury, God has never seemed so eerily silent or so distant to me as he has these last months. I've tried to stumble on, but it's hard when the journey is dark and the road is rough.
It's hard for me to look at all those heart-wrenching experiences and believe that God has a purpose in all that. I've journaled, I've prayed, I've read, I've ranted to friends, family and a therapist. All to no avail.
I haven't conquered any of those traumas. The loss of my job, even though it was only a temporary assignment, still haunts me (and our finances).
The loss of my friend still makes the world a teensy bit lonelier every day. The family relationship is still weird and awkward. Dear hubby's problems cause our family added stress. And our wonderful son and his outbursts have caused me to shed more tears than I care to think about.
There are days when I pray but the words sound hollow even to my ears and instead of feeling like I've got God's ear, I feel like I'm talking to a cold stone statue. So my prayers have become short. And most of my conversations with God consist of praise and worship songs I sing with. Though it's usually accompanied by a short, "I don't really feel like worshipping you, God, but You are worthy of my praise no matter what."
Because even if God never answers another one of my prayerful pleas, even if he never comforts another of my heart wrenching sobs... even if all the days of my life were torturous and miserable, God would still deserve my praise.
I keep taking those awkward, stumbling steps down a dimly lit rocky path. Some days are better than others. Most days, like today, I feel like I'm face down in the sand.
I titled this post blessings for a reason. It might not seem like an applicable title, but you see there times like this in a spiritual desert, in painful journeys of our lives when what is unimportant is stripped away. It doesn't matter. The blessing is what's truly important remains. Our priorities become more focused in a way that is not possible in the good times.
When I heard the title of the book I thought, Oh boy, this book is for you, J.J.
The last year or two of my life have been some of the most intensely painful I've ever endured. I've lost a dream job and all the financial security and personal fulfillment that it brought. I lost a dear friend. A family relationship was badly damaged. My husband developed chronic health issues. And my son began acting out with uncontrolled rages again.
The rug has been pulled out from under me so often I thought after a while I'd just stay on the ground and wallow in my despair. It seemed easier, besides it's much less painful to fall from down here. My heart felt like it was being slowly cut into pieces. Not since my divorce have I faced such seemingly unending personal traumas and conflict.
I've often looked around and wondered, Why, God? Why?
Yet in the midst of my anguish and fury, God has never seemed so eerily silent or so distant to me as he has these last months. I've tried to stumble on, but it's hard when the journey is dark and the road is rough.
It's hard for me to look at all those heart-wrenching experiences and believe that God has a purpose in all that. I've journaled, I've prayed, I've read, I've ranted to friends, family and a therapist. All to no avail.
I haven't conquered any of those traumas. The loss of my job, even though it was only a temporary assignment, still haunts me (and our finances).
The loss of my friend still makes the world a teensy bit lonelier every day. The family relationship is still weird and awkward. Dear hubby's problems cause our family added stress. And our wonderful son and his outbursts have caused me to shed more tears than I care to think about.
There are days when I pray but the words sound hollow even to my ears and instead of feeling like I've got God's ear, I feel like I'm talking to a cold stone statue. So my prayers have become short. And most of my conversations with God consist of praise and worship songs I sing with. Though it's usually accompanied by a short, "I don't really feel like worshipping you, God, but You are worthy of my praise no matter what."
Because even if God never answers another one of my prayerful pleas, even if he never comforts another of my heart wrenching sobs... even if all the days of my life were torturous and miserable, God would still deserve my praise.
I keep taking those awkward, stumbling steps down a dimly lit rocky path. Some days are better than others. Most days, like today, I feel like I'm face down in the sand.
I titled this post blessings for a reason. It might not seem like an applicable title, but you see there times like this in a spiritual desert, in painful journeys of our lives when what is unimportant is stripped away. It doesn't matter. The blessing is what's truly important remains. Our priorities become more focused in a way that is not possible in the good times.
I've never fully understood James 1:2 - 4 like I do now.
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Yes, there is purpose here. There is blessing here.
When God speaks
When the book you're reading and your email devotional for the day are both sitting in front of you and they both reference the same Bible verse, I think it's time to take notice. Perhaps a little chime should play too.
James 4:14:
You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. (New Believer’s Bible)
What is your life? You are mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (New International Version)
What do you know about tomorrow? How can you be so sure about your life? It is nothing more than mist that appears for only a little while before it disappears. (Contemporary English Version)
Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. (New American Standard)
Perhaps I have spent too much time recently worrying about things that really aren't important. Life is the art of keeping the important things, the important things.
Do you remember 9/11? Who could forget right? It's such an extreme example, yet during that day it was impossible not to have crystal clarity on what was important. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who called members of their family. I probably wasn't the only one who put the regular stresses and worries of the day on hold.
I am guilty of allowing my day to be eaten up by worries of tomorrow - what we shall eat and what we shall wear. It's so easy to get caught up in striving after the things the world tries to tell us are important - money, clothes, cars, boats, bikes, houses, phones, computers, gadgets, etc.
It's all an illusion.
What's truly important in life can't be measure in dollar amounts. I'm slowly learning.
James 4:14:
You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. (New Believer’s Bible)
What is your life? You are mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (New International Version)
What do you know about tomorrow? How can you be so sure about your life? It is nothing more than mist that appears for only a little while before it disappears. (Contemporary English Version)
Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. (New American Standard)
Perhaps I have spent too much time recently worrying about things that really aren't important. Life is the art of keeping the important things, the important things.
Do you remember 9/11? Who could forget right? It's such an extreme example, yet during that day it was impossible not to have crystal clarity on what was important. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who called members of their family. I probably wasn't the only one who put the regular stresses and worries of the day on hold.
I am guilty of allowing my day to be eaten up by worries of tomorrow - what we shall eat and what we shall wear. It's so easy to get caught up in striving after the things the world tries to tell us are important - money, clothes, cars, boats, bikes, houses, phones, computers, gadgets, etc.
It's all an illusion.
What's truly important in life can't be measure in dollar amounts. I'm slowly learning.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Be vewy, vewy quiet...
Shhhh... we're hunting...
No. Not wascally wabbits. We're house hunting actually. We are officially one week into the hunt. So let's recap:
Sunday: Saw four houses. Hate one. Loved one. Two were so-so. The one we loved already had a deal pending, but it wasn't looking like it was going to go through.
Monday night: Saw two houses. One was fabulous, but out of our range. The other was completely creepy. I don't think any urban dwelling should boast a chopping block in the back yard, but that's just me.
Tuesday 3 p.m.: Received official notice the deal on "the house we loved" had fallen through. Decided to put in a bid. Five other showings of the house are to occur this evening.
Tuesday 5:00 p.m.: Met with realtor and put together offer.
Tuesday 6:00 p.m.: Offer completed.
Tuesday 6:31 p.m.: Began waiting on pins and needles.
Tuesday 6:32 p.m.: Still waiting...
Tuesday 6:35p.m.: On phone with bank to raise limit on our line of credit to accomodate some expected expenses.
Tuesday 6:50 p.m.: My frustration level has reached maximum levels and a small warning sound is starting to throb in my head.
Tuesday 7:35 p.m.: Still on phone with bank and warning sounds are now at critical volume. "Negative net worth" is said over and over.
Tuesday 7:36 p.m.: Hubby is on phone with bank. I'm taking advil.
Tuesday 7:45 p.m.: Bank "reluctantly" agrees to release funds. Hubby and I "reluctantly" agree to meet with them the next day.
Tuesday 9:55 p.m.: Receive official word sellers have rejected our offer and gone with another. The other offer was for the same money but quicker possession date.
Wednesday noon: Cancel appointment with bank so as to spare some innocent bank teller the brunt of my wrath. Yes, we will reschedule when I don't stand the risk of speaking in an uncivil manner.
Wednesday afternoon: Decided not to house hunt anymore!
Wednesday about ten minutes later: Changed mind.
Nothing else happened this week. Which is good. I need a few more days to fully recover from our close brush with home ownership.
Fiction WIP (work in progress) word count: 1368
Non-fiction assignment count: 3 (all due before September 12)
No. Not wascally wabbits. We're house hunting actually. We are officially one week into the hunt. So let's recap:
Sunday: Saw four houses. Hate one. Loved one. Two were so-so. The one we loved already had a deal pending, but it wasn't looking like it was going to go through.
Monday night: Saw two houses. One was fabulous, but out of our range. The other was completely creepy. I don't think any urban dwelling should boast a chopping block in the back yard, but that's just me.
Tuesday 3 p.m.: Received official notice the deal on "the house we loved" had fallen through. Decided to put in a bid. Five other showings of the house are to occur this evening.
Tuesday 5:00 p.m.: Met with realtor and put together offer.
Tuesday 6:00 p.m.: Offer completed.
Tuesday 6:31 p.m.: Began waiting on pins and needles.
Tuesday 6:32 p.m.: Still waiting...
Tuesday 6:35p.m.: On phone with bank to raise limit on our line of credit to accomodate some expected expenses.
Tuesday 6:50 p.m.: My frustration level has reached maximum levels and a small warning sound is starting to throb in my head.
Tuesday 7:35 p.m.: Still on phone with bank and warning sounds are now at critical volume. "Negative net worth" is said over and over.
Tuesday 7:36 p.m.: Hubby is on phone with bank. I'm taking advil.
Tuesday 7:45 p.m.: Bank "reluctantly" agrees to release funds. Hubby and I "reluctantly" agree to meet with them the next day.
Tuesday 9:55 p.m.: Receive official word sellers have rejected our offer and gone with another. The other offer was for the same money but quicker possession date.
Wednesday noon: Cancel appointment with bank so as to spare some innocent bank teller the brunt of my wrath. Yes, we will reschedule when I don't stand the risk of speaking in an uncivil manner.
Wednesday afternoon: Decided not to house hunt anymore!
Wednesday about ten minutes later: Changed mind.
Nothing else happened this week. Which is good. I need a few more days to fully recover from our close brush with home ownership.
Fiction WIP (work in progress) word count: 1368
Non-fiction assignment count: 3 (all due before September 12)
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Switching gears
Ok. I know that big experiment for the summer was to see how many rejections I could get. Hmm... that didn't work out too well, since I didn't send out any queries. LOL!
I've been too busy enjoying my downtime.
I've also been struck by the muse - that would be the fiction-writing-muse who rarely, if ever, visits my house anymore. I've got the characters and a basic plot all outlined in my head. So I figured I'll just tie up this here muse and hold it for ransom til every last word is written! Bwa-ha-ha!
Word count so far: 1343.
Yay me!
I've been too busy enjoying my downtime.
I've also been struck by the muse - that would be the fiction-writing-muse who rarely, if ever, visits my house anymore. I've got the characters and a basic plot all outlined in my head. So I figured I'll just tie up this here muse and hold it for ransom til every last word is written! Bwa-ha-ha!
Word count so far: 1343.
Yay me!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Transition
I have just spent the better part of four days by myself. No kids. No hubby. Just me kicking around this house. I loved every minute of it.
Now, husband and said kids will be returning from a weekend of camping. (I couldn't go with them, because I had to review some Fringe plays. Darn it, anyway.) My mom should be in the city shortly to spend part of the day shopping. Then she will take kids home with her for two weeks of swimming lessons.
So I got up this morning, bathed and shaved my legs. I dressed in my most comfortable denim skirt. Then I began tidying my house - what I refer to as my Weekly Home Blessing Hour. After my house was thoroughly blessed I did a load of laundry and took out some chicken for supper.
Now sitting here with a cup of tea (and trying not to whine about my miserable cold), I'm relaxing and enjoying my fresh, clean smelling house.
In these few remaining quiet moments, I thought I should blog something.
Something profound.
...
Ok, I'll settle for just blogging something.
Enjoy your Monday holiday!
Now, husband and said kids will be returning from a weekend of camping. (I couldn't go with them, because I had to review some Fringe plays. Darn it, anyway.) My mom should be in the city shortly to spend part of the day shopping. Then she will take kids home with her for two weeks of swimming lessons.
So I got up this morning, bathed and shaved my legs. I dressed in my most comfortable denim skirt. Then I began tidying my house - what I refer to as my Weekly Home Blessing Hour. After my house was thoroughly blessed I did a load of laundry and took out some chicken for supper.
Now sitting here with a cup of tea (and trying not to whine about my miserable cold), I'm relaxing and enjoying my fresh, clean smelling house.
In these few remaining quiet moments, I thought I should blog something.
Something profound.
...
Ok, I'll settle for just blogging something.
Enjoy your Monday holiday!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)