Offer submitted

Are ya sick of our house hunting saga yet?

Yeah. So are we.

Tonight we put in an offer on what will be one of our favourite houses. It has everything we have wanted and a few things we have wished for.

Our offer included a letter we hope will give the owners a peek into our plight. Our desperate, I'm-so-sick-of-house-hunting, pullleeease accept our offer.

We will know probably late tomorrow night.

Will keep y'all posted...

Updates

No house.

We're feeling more confident and more optimistic though. (Despite reports last weekend of a small bungalow going for 50 over list in Haultain of all places!)

We know that this is a difficult market. We know that we're batting with two strikes against us(no equity and no desire to submit an offer without asking for a home inspection).

We have broadened our search somewhat. We've looked at a couple of houses in Martensville. Nothing has worked out so far. But I believe and I choose to stand firmly on hope.

I said to Richard the other day in a moment of near despair..."We have half the countryside praying for us!"

After a moment of thought, I added, "Imagine how bad things would be if we didn't have anyone praying!"

We'd be living in a tent on one of the University campuses I have a feeling... or we'd have a house that would be sitting in rubble around us...

It's enough to make a person shudder.

Seriously, thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your patience with us as we have become a one note song as of late.

For those who have sat with us, cried with us, hugged us and loved us through one of the most frustrating seasons of our lives we thank you. We are blessed to have so many near to us (and far away from us) who have been such a wonderful support to us.

So thank you.

The lessons of this temporary desert (at least I hope it's temporary!) have been many. Richard and I have learned many hard lessons in trusting our instincts, trusting our REALTOR (R) and learning to trust each other. After ten years of marriage we always have something new to learn about each other.

Another lesson is simply that patience is not something acquired quickly.

Instead of focusing on how difficult of a trial this has been, I have been shifting my focus to what a blessing those lessons have been. When another trial comes (perhaps even more difficult than just trying to find a material possession) I am certain the lessons from this desert experience will come back to bless us.

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12.

Listening to: not a thing! (that's odd... let me put on some Newsboys quick...!)
Pending assignments: 4... I think...

Sigh...

For those who haven't yet heard, we didn't get the house in Martensville.

I'm not sure I have much to say. You'd think the disappointment would hurt less after this many times.

We'll still keep plugging away, but no house we ever get will be worth this much stress, time, energy or pain.

My newly-rekindled hope has now faded again.

Listening to: Mikaela each tortillas and watch Lord of the Beans
Pending Assignments: 3

Miscellaneous thoughts on Saturday

I suck.

I suck at giving my problems to God. I'm so used to carrying them myself. Trying to control everything myself is exhausting. Does anybody have a solution for this. Is there a pill I can take? An herbal remedy maybe?

I'm totally grumpy today. My head hurts. The snow mold allergies have returned with a vengence. I'm managing, but with a steady stream of advil.

We also went to look at a house today. It was lovely. Really lovely.

It's in Martensville.

Mar. tens. ville.

Didn't really want to move outside the city, but we have no choice.

Still the location is lovely. The house is lovely. The deck is lovely. The yard is lovely. I'm certain my man would even say the 24 X 24 insulate garage was also lovely - even though it did need a wee bit of work.

(We're making an offer on it today. We'll know if it's ours by tomorrow night. Will update you all then!)

Aside: I'm also heartened about our prospects by the fact more and more houses are being listed. In the last 24 hours 93 houses have hit the MLS system in Saskatoon! That's an awful lot compared to a few weeks ago.

With an offer pending, I'm worried and afraid to even hope. Having so many offers rejected makes a person skittish, you know? Afraid to trust. Afraid to let go.

In addition, I've let a couple of things really eat at my this week. And they really have no place in my life and no reason to eat up my strength and energy. They're not mine to fuss over.

In short: they don't belong in my bag!

They belong in God's.

So here is my attempt at trying to hand them over to him: (again!)

Dear my heavenly father;

Lord, I have taken several things from your back and put them in mine. They are weighing me down. They have sapped my strength and exhausted my joy. My patience has worn thread bare by trying to carry burdens that aren't mine to carry.

Lord, I give them back to you. I place them and my whole being in your hands. Let your will be done with them. With all of my worry and misplaced energy, have I helped these issues even a little? Of course not. I wasted my energy.

Lord, no matter how many times I grab them back, help me to remember that they are not mine to fret about. They are yours and I have given them to you. Help me to let go. Help me to not be afraid of letting go.

Jesus help me to take up your yoke instead. And walk in your rest.

Father, thank you for the beautiful warm sunshine today. Thank you for the many blessings you give us each day. Thank you that I am surrounded by friends and family who love me and family. Thank you for friends and family that I can bless right back.

In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Listening to: Outkast - Hey Ya!

Pending assignments: 2

Thoughts on a Friday

(I really need to come up with better titles.)

Here's something I've learned recently. If you're weighted down with something you can't move too quickly. In fact, your overall coordination will be tasked - leaving you stumbling and unable to accomplish the physical demands you may normally find simple.

This I realized this morning as I hauled around a bag of Friday papers - complete with massive top package (also known as a bundle of flyers).

If I didn't split my route in two I wouldn't be able to lift the bag over my head with all the papers! In fact, the second part of my route is the bigger part and it takes all my strength to waddle down the first few blocks with papers hanging in the front pouch and another glob of papers smacking me in the butt.

I'm pretty sure there are several early-risers on my route that are getting a good chuckle as I sway and stagger down the street under the weight.

I walk the equivalent of 14 blocks with this mega-ton clingon.

By the end I'm moving a good clip. I'm usually famished by then and also fairly chilled. I want nothing more than some warm tea, a banana, and yogurt. (Toast follows later!)

Of course, as I go through the route I deposit my papers and my bag becomes lighter. Imperceptibly at first, but then all of a sudden I walk with a steadier gait and my speed increases.

I realized today as I stepped on the treadmill how much easier it was to just start walking - briskly even. No large cumbersome bag swinging back and forth to knock me off balance. Just me. Just my legs, arms and body working seamlessly together.

What is my point?

Good question.

I wonder if this isn't true spiritually, too. You know, how often do I struggle - weighted down by my own worries - and I can't move gracefully through life. Instead I stumble and fall, totter and lurch.

I look anything but graceful.

Usually because I'm carrying a load I'm not meant to carry. No one has to go through their day carrying a heavy bag of Friday edition papers. (Although for an experiment, it might be fun to watch.)

So as I think of my week - how I've stumbled and staggered - I realize I've taken several concerns and issues from God's bag and put them in mine.

And their heavy.

Real heavy.

And I don't need to carry them anymore. They aren't mine to begin with.

So I shall gently place them back in God's hands.

Reminds me of these verses:

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and my load is light. Matthew 10:28, 29, 30.

Listening to: 80's music (Kenny Loggins' Footloose at the moment)
Pending assignments: 2

My first post with a pic

Hubby and I bought a digital camera before we went to Regina last week. The main purpose being to post pics here so that everyone can keep up with the Smiths.

Here are some pix of my kiddos as they went to the park yesterday.

Note the snow and winter coats.

I'm tired of the cold.

This interrupted spring is wearing on my nerves. And not just because I have to get all geared up with toque, scarf, and mittens in order to do my papers at 5 a.m. I'm just tired of it.

And what the heck... here's one of hubby from Homecoming last weekend...

Listening to: my fish tank gurgle
Pending assignments: 1

Post #138

Hi. I'm JJ and I'm a recovering perfectionist.

I say recovering because my deep-seated need for and addiction to everyone else's approval is an ongoing struggle. I have good days and bad.

It nearly killed me when I was younger.

I had to be the perfect daughter. The perfect student. The perfect friend. The perfect Christian.

Eventually, the perfect wife.

It was so constraining I felt like I was going to suffocate - having to keep all these judges inside my head happy.

As some of you know, I married stupid when I was 20. The relationship deteriorated rapidly, but I was convinced it was all my fault. My ex-husband convinced me everything was my fault.

And I believed him.

By the time I left I was a walking corpse. I still had a pulse, but there was little about me that was alive.

I wanted so badly to die. I would stand on my ninth floor balcony wondering if that was high enough to end the pain. I'd count out bottles of pills wondering how many it would take.

I was too scared to try. My fear of failure kept me alive.

But my perfectionism kept me from sharing my pain with anyone else. Once in a while my cover would slip, but for the most part I kept my happy face screwed on tight.

I've heard recently of people (several stories from several places) who've been working so hard at keeping up appearances, yet inside they are like a rotting tomb. They've never allowed the inside to match the outside.

As long as everything looked fine on the outside, they played the game. They pretended with their friends and family. Couldn't bear to tell anyone life was one iota less than perfect.

I become more and more testy the more someone tries to convince me they have the perfect marriage with the perfect spouse with the perfect kids who are the best at everything from sports to academics.

Pullllease.

I don't buy it for a moment so stop selling it to me.

Tough part is that no matter how good you are at playing the game (the "I'm so perfect" game), you lose.

Perfectionism will eat you alive and spit you out when it's done. It will destroy everything it touches - your relationships, your family, your marriage, your self esteem, your faith. Trust me. I've been there, done that, wore out the t-shirt.

The stories I've heard have made sad. They are stories of people lying and manipulating and covering up their sin. I wish I could show them that God's grace extends to them. And doesn't depend on us being the perfect friend, parent, or Christian.

Jesus didn't die so we wouldn't have problems. He didn't suffer a horrific death so we could get it all figured out.

He died so that we might enjoy forgiveness of sin. He died so that we could experience the freedom true grace brings.

If your faith doesn't free you, then you're trying too hard to polish the outside. Then you're trying too hard to impress people, to win their approval, to gain people's acceptance rather than trusting in Your Saviour's acceptance.

Sadly, the last thing perfectionism does is decieve us. It gives way to denial. And unfortunately, many don't come back from that. They continue the lie, continue the game and never discover the joy of truly living. In the process they destroy so many lives with their lies.

The saddest part of people like this, isn't their own pain, but the pain they inflict on others.

Perfectionism. I swear it's deadly.

My only prayer is that some of these stories will end with the truth being known to all. Fully and completely.

Listening to: Snow Patrol: Eyes Open
Pending assignments: 1

Anything but normal

Who knew a person could get so little sleep over a weekend and still find it so completely refreshing?

The hubby and I attending his 20 year high school reunion. I learned several things while there:

1. Those closing in on 40 shouldn't stay up past 1 p.m. and still expect to wake up early the next morning.

2. Laughing to your sides and cheeks ache isn't just fun it relieves a great deal of stress and highly recommend it on a regular basis!

3. Every person's life is completely unique and yet more often than not, we experience similar circumstances or life stages. It's those feelings and emotions that we have in common that create a connection. Sometimes I wish we'd spend more time focusing on those common things.

4. It's those relationships and connections that make a person's life rich and fulfilling. More time should be spent fostering and nurturing these precious gifts in our life, than pursuing the worldly stuff we get so wrapped up in.

5. My wonderful, beautiful, yet strange life isn't so strange and is more wonderful than I have ever believed. I shall treasure each day for the gift it is.


Other news...

1. I have decided to stay with my current job. We've experienced a few personnel issues and as a result, if I left the centre it would be left with no one. I just didn't want to leave the centre in such a state. When I leave I want it to be on a high note. I want to walk away with my head held high, with a divine sense of accomplishment.

I had decided the week before that whatever decision I had made, I had to make it for the right reason. I felt this was the best reason of all - stay so that I might continue God's work until he sends along my replacement.

2. Started my paper route this morning. Here's something I bet very few people realize: it is so blessedly peaceful at 5:30 in the morning. I loved every minute of it. I prayed as I strolled along - mainly just lifting my heart to God to praise him for a wonderful weekend of refreshment and all the blessings he has given to me.

3. House hunting is being released to God. We're still prayerfully exploring a few more possibilities, but my job is to keep the main things the main things. It's God's job to take care of the rest.

That's all my thoughts for this lovely, but chilly Monday morning. I have much to do today, so I better get crackin'.

Listening to: Building 429: Rise
Pending assignments: 1