The morning after

A bubble bath and a good cry can do wonders for a woman's soul.

Last night it did squat.

I came out of the tub just as sad, confused and frustrated as when I went in.

I tried praying, but my words kept being interrupted by sobbing. In truth I had no idea what to pray.

And on today of all days this isn't the headline I wanted to see on the front page of the SP.

It has driven home the point: I don't think we'll be getting a house. I just do not believe it is possible.

I do believe God is trying to tell us something and I think ten months of rejected offers and missed opportunities is enough to finally get it. We're not getting a house.

Please don't email with rah-rah speeches about God having a plan, about no situation being hopeless, about him listening and answering prayers.

God does answer prayers. Just not these ones.

God does help in hopeless situations, just not this one. We've had ten months of hopelessness. If was planning on showing us how we can trust him in hopeless situations, I think he missed the boat last night. This isn't going to be one of those stories of miraculous 11th hour interventions.

God does have a plan. It just doesn't include a house for us.

I don't know why. I don't know if we've done something horrible that makes us uneligible for housing. I don't know why others can do it and we can't.

All I know is someone last night took an offer for less money. They went with an offer with no conditions.

I understand why. The sellers are building a house and have to clear their own conditions or else they lose their new house. And in order to clear their conditions they had to have an unconditional sale.

The thing is... we could have cleared our conditions quicker than we indicated... we just didn't know their circumstances.

So I get it.

It isn't just a stupid, crazy market that went berserk. It isn't just a myriad of strange circumstances that prevent us from having a house.

It's us.

We're just not supposed to have a house right now.

We've taken up the time of four realtors and one mortgage broker. We've basically wasted their time.

Richard and I are going to take the next couple of days to think about our next step. If there is a next step.

Thank you for all the prayers. I am humbled by how many were praying for us through this ordeal. It appears it didn't help. I'm sorry about that.

Listening to: the fish tank
Pending assignments: 1