I think the title of this post would make a good title or subtitle for my life.
Disappointed.
Yet again, dreams and hopes have been dashed to bits. The writing project went to another writer.
So I give up trying to figure out what God wants. I will take the communications assistant job or else stay at the centre.
Either way I'll look like an idiot.
Either I have to tell the centre I'm leaving after I told them I wouldn't (twice).
Or...
I tell this company I don't want the position after I turned down an interview the first round and then insist I really want the job on the second round.
Like seriously... am I schizophrenic?
Why does it seem like I don't know what I want?
I do! I want a job that allows me to write AND provide for my family. Why do those things seem so mutually exclusive all the time? And why, no matter how much experience I gain or how well I do at things, do both of those things seem so elusive?
How do I choose between my dreams of freelancing, which offers flexibility and freedom to be there for my kids, with the stability of a fulltime job, which would mean little freedom to pursue freelancing and other activities, but a higher more stable income?
Is there a right or a wrong answer here?
Why does God seem to open doors in prayer and then slam them shut again?
Is he trying to tell me something or am I just supposed to figure this out on my own? Is he yelling the answer or whispering it? Can I hear it or am I ignoring it?
Why on the same day that I get glowing reviews on my work from several editors, do I also get turned down for a major bit of work that I would have thoroughly enjoyed doing?
Where do I go from here?
Thanks for listening...
Listening to: nothing
Pending assignments: 3
1 comment:
So this is what I figured since our last visit. Sometimes I think God just doesn't care.
Let me explain...I think He wants us to be happy. If we are living our lives for Him then that is really all that matters. He gives us choices, He lets us choose. We have to decide what we think would best fit our lives. No choice is right or wrong, if it is inside His will. This is hard, at times because we, as humans, want to make sure we are making the best choice and God just doesn't seem to give us the writing on the wall or the flashing neon lights that we desire. He will support and guide us with whatever choice we make. He just doesn't care!!
Anyhow, I don't know if these words from the mind of Jackie have helped (Haha)but know that I am praying as you decide what direction to go.
Love Ya,
Jackie
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