Wild ending

As hard as it was to visualize while listening to streaming audio online, the Roughrider game came to a wild ending tonight. A game of rugby broke out on the field after Rocky Butler fumbled the ball.

Unfortunately, Team Green didn't come off the field with a win, but at least it was a well-played game. And as far as I'm concerned, that last play definitely gave the fan's their money's worth.

We're set to meet Montreal on Thanksgiving Monday next. Hopefully by then Kerry Joseph (who was sidelined with a knee injury in the third quarter, I believe) will be back on his feet. Then again, Rocky can serve up a good dish of the mean-green machine too. The season isn't over yet!

So thanks, boys, for a fantastic game. Get 'em next time!

Disappointment

Again.

The job I applied for has gone to someone else.

Again.

Disappointment is a bitter pill.

The good news is, they really wanted to hire me. Hmm... sounds familiar. Didn't a local daily newspaper really want to hire me? But really wanting to hire me isn't the same as actually hiring me. At least they said they would keep me in mind for future positions.

So once again, I turn to my writing to help make ends meet. Unfortunately, this one thing I just can not seem to get off the ground. I know that I write more than some, but I'm no where near as busy as I would like to be. And my income targets have never been met. Other writers that have been writing as long as I have make four times as much as I do a month from writing.

I am prompted to ask: What am I doing wrong?

In a way, I guess this is disappointment on so many levels - in so many areas. Perhaps that is what makes it so keen.

My prayer is that God will make it clear what he'd like my prayer to be. Because none of the ones I've been praying have been working, I've noticed.

Pending assignments: 1
Queries pending: 1
Houses looked at: None!

Currently reading: Boundaries with Kids, You Can't Make Me, (but I can be persuaded) AND The Frazzled Factor.

We won!

Riders won a nail-biter in Regina tonight. In the second overtime, Kerry Joseph connected with Fantuz. Talk about pulling it out of a hat!

Several pricelss moments from the game...

Joseph's fumble on the three yard line as he went in for a touchdown... the ball trickled into the end zone to be recovered by Saskatchewan - TOUCHDOWN GREEN!

Wally Buono decides to kick it through the end zone on B.C.'s first possession in overtime, but the kick doesn't make it, setting up the second over time. Nice gamble, Wally.

The Lions ran into a wall of green on a 3rd and inches and turned it over on downs. A few plays later Saskatchewan netted three yards with a quarterback sneak. That's how it's done, boys!

Way to go, Riders! GO GREEN!

Proud to be Canadian

I truly am a patriot.

I think Canada is the best place on the planet to call home. I'm actually one of those crazy saps who gets choked up at the national athem given the right circumstances. I'm so patriotic, there are days when I think I should have been American. (Actually, I'm half-Amercian, but that's a story for another day...)

And seeing our boys in military fatigues gets me teary every time. I'm so darn proud that there are men and women who love their country so much they would be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in her defense. Not only in defense of this country, but to defend democracy and freedom around the world, as well.

That's why this video of a rally on Parliament Hill today has got me all choked up.

Some military wives from Ontario decided to start a wear red campaign to support our troops in Afghanistan. They are encouraging people across the country to wear red on Fridays to show support for our troops and their current mission. To encourage them, that we are not going to abandon them.

To say thank you.
To say we're proud of you.
To say we're proud of the job you're doing in Afghanistan (and a damn fine job they're doing, too!)
To say God bless you and may he bring you home safe.

As a result, I've changed into a red shirt.

House hunting part 97

4:25 p.m. Realtor sent email with a brand new listing in River Heights.

4:30 p.m. I phoned Richard to tell him about it.

4:45 p.m. I have called the realtor to say yes we're interested, heard back from her that we are to meet her there at 8 p.m. and called Richard back to tell him the time.

5:50 p.m. I called one babysitter, but she's busy.

6:00 p.m. I called different babysitter. She's available. ; )

6:02 p.m. I leave for work because we have a volunteer open house tonight.

6:35 p.m. I arrive at work and pick up seven voice mails from just this afternoon.

7:40 p.m. The phone rang at the centre and I spent 10 minutes on the phone with potential client.

7:50 p.m. Richard and I raced up Warman Road to get to the house.

8:05 p.m. Really like the house.

8:25 p.m. Look around some more. Love the yard.

8:50 p.m. Raced to realtor's office to put together offer.

9:02 p.m. Faxed offer.

9:02 and 45 seconds p.m. Selling agent called. There is another offer on the table. Do we want to sweeten our deal.

9:12 p.m. New offer is faxed with about six extra pounds of sugar. ; )

9:20 p.m. Leave realtor's office feeling positive about this potential transaction. It's a beautiful location, on a crescent, gorgeous yard, beautiful open lay out inside.

We waited and waited...

I had a bath and shaved my legs...

Still we waited...

11:51 p.m. Realtor called to tell us they have gone with a different offer. (The particulars were pretty much the same. There wasn't much more we could offer them.)

11:52 p.m. Too tired for words...

As disappointing as it is, we're hopeful something CAN be found out there.

Sigh...

Rainy day musings

It is with bleary eyes and drooping chin that I drag my sorry butt to the keyboard... (good thing I said drooping and not drooling!)

Okay, it's not quite that bad, but I am getting a little too old for the 1 a.m. writing sessions, followed by 6 a.m. writing sessions.

It's a good thing my coworker is so organized at work, or I could have made a real mess of things while there this morning. She was kind enough to bring me hot apple cider, too! What a sweetie!

Still no response from ABC to my rant last week, but I am encouraged to learn there has been a significant public outcry in the States to Rosie's comments. Good on them! Though I doubt it will do much good.

I am disheartened, though, because I doubt there would be a similar outcry here in Canada over this CBC program. This is from the same broadcasting corporation who's chairman resigned yesterday after making some controversial statements about the Lebanese and beastiality and also for waxing poetic on the pleasures of bowel movements. Story here.

Kind of throws a proverbial wet-blanket over the organization's intellectual credibility, but then that's just me.

I had thought of writing the ombudsman to complain, but I doubt it would do any good. And where does a person begin? It would be like picking a single grain of sand in a desert to complain it is mishapen. Besides I would have to admit to watch the CBC on occasion.

To any who wish to voice their opinions feel free. Here is the email addy:
COMPLAIN
The Ombudsman, CBC English Services
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation
P.O. Box 500, Station “A”
Toronto, Ontario M5W 1E6
e-mail: ombudsman@cbc.ca

I'd also be curious if anyone actually watches it. Let me know what you think of it. Just don't go out of your way to do so. After all, I think watching the CBC may actually make you dumber. The former chairman could to be a case in point.

The whole mess reminds me of something one of my theology professors once said:

The only constant in the world is man's unfailing ability fo find new levels of depravity.

Houses looked at so far this week: 1 It was icky and way overpriced!
Pending assignments: 1
Listening to: absolutely nothing, don't want to confuse my weary brain with sounds

UPDATE: My apologies. I should have been more clear. I'll blame it on sleep-deprivation. The CBC program last night was an in-depth look at the dangers of faith - and it targeted all faiths. It basically said that all faith (in Allah, Buddha, God, whatever) is the enemy of free-thinking and modern civilization. It equated radical Christians in North America with the suicide bombers of extremist Islam.

Am I crazy?

I had two interviews today. One a Ukrainian Catholic priest (article in Saturday's religion section of The SP). And the other for a new job.

No, I don't intend to quit my work at the centre.

And, no, I don't intend to quit writing. That's like trying to quit breathing. Tried that and it makes me dizzy...

So, I ask you... Am I crazy?

The position is mainly administrative and entails work I could do from home around my (increasingly nutty) schedule.

I don't want to cut in on my writing time, but I felt I needed to supplement my income from writing. In a way, it'll probably help me get more accomplished as the busier I am the more I tend to be able to handle and accomplish.

So, as I ponder my schedule for the fall, I again ask... Am I crazy for wanting to make myself this busy?

Then again, we are looking at adding buying a house...

Ok. I'm alright. I may be crazy, but I know I'm in good company! ; )
--
Listening to: Newsboys - Thrive
Queries submitted: 1
Assignments pending: 1
Houses looked at this week: not a blessed one! Whew!

Anniversaries

September is a big month for me personally. First, the kids go back to school and that's always a blessing.

This year the beginning of September marked eight years since Richard and I moved to Saskatoon. We came with barely any earthly possessions. Richard spent the first two years going to school to become a computer tech.

There were times that we didn't think we'd make it - living on a small student loan with a toddler on the go. I remember rolling our spare change so we could put gas in our car or buy diapers.

We've come a long way since then. God blessed Richard with an amazing job (twice - because he left it for nine months to take a different position which he ended up hating). Richard has accomplished so much at this job and I'm so proud of him.

God blessed us with another little one, as well. Mikaela is such a joy to our hearts.

God blessed me with another September anniversary. This month I can celebrate six years as a freelance writer. I'll never forget dancing around our little apartment when I received that first contract to publish a parenting essay I wrote.

I may not have accomplished all that I have wanted to in my writing career, but God has blessed me. I've had some amazing experiences, interviewed some amazing people and established myself as a regular contributor for several publications. Not bad for the girl with no formal training in journalism or writing.

God has also blessed us with an amazing circle of friends and coworkers, not to mention the joy of being a part of a vibrant church family. We've grown so much - spiritually and emotionally - since coming to Saskatoon.

It was definitely the best move we made. We have been truly blessed.

Pending assignments: 0
Houses looked at this week: 7

The View

I don't watch ABC's The View very often. I used to enjoy the banter on current issues when they first started. But eventually, my schedule and the lack of a charismatic host meant I don't watch it much.

However, it came to my attention that on a recent episode Rosie O'Donnell made some outrageous statements. I understand her position. As a member of the gay and lesian community, O'Donnell feels the church in general would condemn her. Ok. I get it. She's not impressed with us.

As she discussed the recent anniversary of 9/11 and the subsequent war on terror, she made this comment as she duked it out with co-host Elisabeth Hasselback.

"Radical Christianity is just as dangerous as radical Islam."

Wow.

I don't even know if I can find words. (You know I can... I wouldn't have written a blog post about it if I could, but it's for the effect...)

Wow. Wow. Wow. WOW!

The truly amazing thing was the audience APPLAUDED.

Wow.

I sat down and wrote the producer of The View the following email:

It came to my attention today that The View Host Rosie O'Donnell made some outrageous comments on your show. While I missed the actual program I have seen a clip of the offending remarks. "Radical Christianity is just as dangerous as radical Islam," she said.

I am horrified by this statement. Worse than horrified I am outraged. This statement is absolutely completely and totally irresponsible and insane. Not to mention completely inaccurate.

On the heels of 9/11 - the greatest single purposeful act of evil committed by man against his fellow man - she dares to compare conservative Christians with the type of insanity that would see passenger jets flown into buildings to maim, kill and terrify thousands (not to mention millions) of people?

If this is the type of commentary that The View is now planning to offer, you can be assured I will never watch your program again. I am offended that Rosie would speak such absolute nonsense without qualification, proof or any shred of evidence to support her outrageous opinion.

Reasonable debate in a society that enshrines free-speech is expected on The View. This is hatred disguised as liberal rhetoric. It's completely irresponsible for you to allow her statements like this to go unchallenged.

As a Christian I can assure Ms. O'Donnell that I know of no conservative Christian who vows to kill as many non-Christians as possible, as much of the rhetoric coming from Islamic clerics often does.

Her statements are ludicrious. I'm not saying she isn't entitled to her opinion, but I am saying that if you want your program to be taken seriously, such ridiculous statements should never make it to air. Are you a news/commentary program or a pulpit for O'Donnell's misguided beliefs?

If she had said the same about "radical buddhism" would the statements have been aired without apology?

Christianity is afforded the same protections as other religions, whether or not Ms. O'Donnell agrees with their belief system.

Please tell me an apology is forthcoming.

I'll let you know if this gets a reply.

Five years on...

The blogworld is abuzz with 9/11 memorials. Thought I would add mine to the mix...

September 11, 2001, started earlier than usual for me. Logan had awakened shortly after 7 a.m. I had little desire to be awake at that time, so I bundled him in a blanket and planted him in front of CBC Kids. I thought an hour or so of their morning programming would keep him occupied as he was still kind of sleepy. Mikaela (just over a year old) slept in the living room in her playpen and she woke up a few minutes later.

As I snoozed fitfully in the bedroom, something slowly started to seep through the fog. The deep voice of a middle-aged man was droning on the T.V. It wasn't Dragon Tales or Sesame Street.

I wasn't concerned. I thought the kids must have inadvertantly changed the channel to CNN or something. I stumbled into the livingroom... into what I can only describe as full-blown chaos.

A building was falling on the T.V. and a sombre Peter Mansbridge was explaining this was only one traumatic event in a morning of traumatic events.

I couldn't figure it out. Was it movie footage? A disaster movie in NYC? But those ridiculous ideas were quickly disgarded. Whatever had happened it was huge. And it was bad. Very bad.

I screamed for Richard, who was home sick from work (another tale for another time), who managed to drag himself to the livingroom long enough for us to gather that some sort of terrorist attack had taken place in New York.

I still couldn't fathom what would make the BOTH World Trade Centre Towers fall, but something else was niggling at the back of my head... both of my kids had been watching the news coverage alone for who knows how long.

(A week later a picture of the Twin Towers in church caused Logan to lean over with a look of concern and ask, "Are the buildings going to fall down again, Mommy?")

I quickly popped Blue's Clues into the VCR and Richard hobbled back to bed.

I logged onto my computer and phoned my mom. All she said was, "I know." Just the day before she and I had discussed when she was getting their satellite channels turned back on. Needless to say she had already phoned the satellite TV company. Stuff was happening in the world and she couldn't see it!

CNN.com and every other news site in the Western World was down or severely disfunctional for most of the day. I eventually started getting my news updates from the BBC News website.

When I logged onto a writing group's bulletin board the first message I saw said: Holy Freaking Crap!!!! That pretty much summed it up.

I remember going into the bedroom and telling Richard that they still thought there was a hijacked plane in the air, but they didn't know where it was or where it was headed. I remember being struck by how odd that statement was. Who could have dreamed of ever uttering such words? I added, "The worst part is that's not the worst thing that's happened today."

Images of the thousands of posters of the missing are still etched in my mind. And you know for every one poster that was hung, there was one mother, father, brother, sister, or child waiting anxiously (and often in vain) for the return of their beloved.

The massive crowd of people walking out of Manhattan in absolute silence isn't something I'll ever forget.

Or the image of thousands of office workers covered in building dust with trails of tears through the coating on their faces.

There was the picture of a fire station in Belgium that shined their trucks until they glowed for the memorial service a week later. They spiffed up their uniforms and then drove their trucks just outside the station and stood in front of them at attention. It was their show of solidarity for their fellow firemen who gave their lives in the attacks.

That image stills brings a lump to my throat. They didn't know these people they were honouring. They might not have spoken the same language. I'm betting not many had even stepped foot on American soil. But they didn't care. They still wanted to honour the sacrifice these brave men made in an effort to rescue people like you and me.

It was a sign of solidarity, that connection of being bonded with your fellow earth travellers, that made me smile - even through the tears.

Another image I'm sure everyone remembers... the quiet skies. For days there were no vapor trails in our prairie sky. There were no planes rumbling over the city on take off or coming in for a landing. I never noticed how often they do that, but I do remember noting how odd it sounded when they weren't doing it anymore. To this day, I don't look at passenger jets the same way as it slices a graceful arc over the city.

I wonder if the people of NYC still cringe when they hear one.

I also remember the shame. International shame. I watched with horror as my fellow Canadians dared to utter the most absurd and insulting words: they had it coming. How could my copatriots be so unfeeling, so insensitive? And when Jean Chretien refused to allow a Christian minister to pray at the Parliament Hill memorial service for the WTC, I remember thinking Canada was walking around with toilet paper stuck to its shoe on the international stage. We just didn't know it.

Maybe we still don't know it. In my mind, my national pride slipped a bit after the 9/11 tragedy. Perhaps mostly because Canada never had to examine itself as a nation. Instead, we pompously took ourselves out of the equation. We never asked ourselves those hard questions. It was too easy to point fingers and place blame. It was happening to the other guy. So instead of doing some healthy self-examination, we got to wash our hands of the incident - perfectly smug in our belief that it couldn't happen to us.

I don't believe that. Canada has too much in common with our neighbour to the south for the terrorists to tell the difference. Well, except when it comes to getting a passport (something of a joke internationally).

Anyway, those are my thoughts from that day. The taste of shock in my mouth is still there. The numb confusion as I try to make sense of the incomprehensible. It's all still there. Just a little quieter. A little less vivid.

So probably Monday night, I will sit and raise a glass in memory of those who lost their lives five years ago tomorrow. Those who started their work day on a typical Tuesday morning, but never got to finish it.

Dental Adventures Part Three

Well, we did it. The final installment of our dental adventures was completed this morning. Logan decided to take the sedative again, but I'm not convinced he needed it. He was pretty calm about the whole thing to begin with.

And I have to say, the staff at Lawson Dental were so great with Logan. Thank you to them for being so professional and caring with him. I know their quick, efficient work made the whole experience a lot easier on my little buddy.

So yay! Dentist visits are finished for another six months - except for Richard, who has to go back later this month for a single filling.

But I doubt he'll need me to hold his hand or anything!

Pending queries: 2 (aka rejections-in-waiting)
Pending assignments/deadlines: 1

They did it again

Holy repeat batman! It's three in a row!

The Saskatchewan Roughriders wholloped the Bombers but good in the annual Labour Day classic.

Woohoo! Go Green!

Dental Adventures or Wonder of Wonders

Today, Logan chugged down two medications with little complaint. We herded him into the car (him weaving and staggering) and drove off to the dentist for the fillings that were to have occurred on Tuesday.

Logan, steadied by his dad bravely went forward to meet with his fate at the hands of Dr. Taylor (also a close friend).

I sat nervously in the waiting room... waiting. (Probably why they call it a waiting room!)

After an agonizing 30 minutes I ventured into back to see how things were going. I was pleasantly surprised to discover they were almost completed BOTH fillings, with nary an incident.

I was (and still am) in shock. My little buddy was so brave through the whole thing. Not to mention relaxed. I think I like this medicine... Could he be on it all the time? He was so agreeable!

Logan said he was such a pro at this now, he could probably do the next two fillings without the sedative.

We all chuckled.

We'll see how he feels when the freezing wears off. ; )

Back to sanity!

The kids left today for school. They will only be there an hour today, but I noticed something in the house after they left. And it was quite remarkable.

In their absence I have found... peace and quiet.

So much of it, in fact, there's enough here for me to fashion together some semblence of sanity again. And this year my precious twosome will be gone all day, every day. That means other than when I work, there will be this much peace and quiet every single day!

I feel like a human being again.

Tomorrow, as I launch them on the bus for their first full day of grade one and grade four, I think I'll skipping down the street back home.

Yup. It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Houses Smouses...

We looked at three houses today.

Two were in Martensville. One was an absolute no - the hair dressing spot in the basement requires a bit of renovations to get the space workable again.

The other was nothing special. I liked the layout, hated the cupboards. Hole in floor of livingroom was unusual. It just needed a bit of work.

The third was on the far outer rim on houses on the Westside - in a quaint little area called Montgomery. The area is (normally) highly desirable, unless you're in the outer rim. A trailer park was across the street. While the house was ok, it wasn't spectacular and just not quite what we were looking for.

So the hunt is still on... We have one more house in Martensville to look at tomorrow. Stay tuned...

The non-dental dental visit

My dear son went to the dentist today for his first filling. This is part one of a two part series. He has another appointment on Friday for the final two fillings.

I had visions of this being a horrific disaster. Public humiliation is something he can be very good at. And it's been a few years since I have experienced it. Further, there are sharp, medical instruments within easy reach.

But Logan seemed pretty non-plussed by the whole affair, so I thought... hey, this might actually be ok.

So we get there and Logan sits in the big chair. Mikaela and I are but an arms-length away. The dental assistant starts explaining what they are going to do. You know the shpeil, the needle is going to feel like a mosquito bite, etc.

I brace myself. If we can get through this part, we should be ok, I tell myself.

The doctor comes in and preps.

I hold my little buddy's hand and start praying.

Nothing.

I open my eyes to see if he's ok and he's doing fine. The doctor and the assistant give him lots of encouragement and then announce they're all done. I'm like great. No problem.

But a little twinge of anxiety ripples through me when she says, "Now for the next one."

Right. He's having two fillings done. Ok. Here we go again.

He grips my hand a little tighter this time and I whisper a prayer that we can get through another one. I talk to Logan a little more about how brave he is and how well he's doing.

He squirms a bit, but gets through the second needle without incident.

Ha! I thought to myself. All my days of worry and sleepless night had been for no reason at all. Everything will be fine.

Yeah. By now, you realize this is not the end of the story.

Nope. They start talking rain coats and buttons and rings and fillings. I looked at my son's face.

Uh-oh...

In the space of a few short moments I realize the appointment is over. I try desperately to calm him down, but no good. It's like he doesn't hear me. I try calling my mom on my cell phone, in hopes that she can calm him down. He's crying and begging and begging to go home.

While I'm sure I looked calm enough, I can tell you I was in full on panic. You see, I saw the look, I heard the urgency in his voice. He either had to calm down or get out of the situation. Fast! Like now! Or we were all in big trouble.

But my mom is out of the house, so no help.

We talk to the doctor and it is agreed that we would give it one more chance at his second appointment on Friday. This time with a sedative. If that doesn't work, he'll be referred to the hospital dental and they'll have to put him under to do the fillings.

Yikes.

So my hyper-sensitive child is going to have to chug down two medicines on Friday. One tastes like mint, the other... not so much.

I'm thinking this should be fun. I'm hoping the medicine is clear, because I have this vague feeling I'm going to be wearing it. I hope it doesn't stain.

I'm thinking in the end I might need the sedation.

The hunt is on...

Back to house-hunting...

Richard and I have found few more houses we hope to take a look at. One of them is what one might call Richard's dream home. It's a cute little two-story Victorian number complete with veranda.

In Martensville.

Martensville.

That's like outside the city, right?

I'm not overly keen, but the house is adorable. We shall see what transpires. Keeping you posted on the continuing drama!

Let's talk football

Those of us in Rider Nation who were beginning to lose heart, had a very strange experience last night.

We got to watch a team be slaughtered last night on the football field and that team wasn't us!

For pete's sake I watched three fumbles in a row and none of them were from the green-and-white! That just doesn't happen. Rocky Butler did an outstanding job - and by that I mean there were actual passes and completions and touch downs going on! It's like the Roughriders went out and learned football all of a sudden.

CTV actually ran with the headline: Roughriders crush Hamilton

Can you believe Roughriders and "crush" were used in the same sentence and we were the ones doing the crushing?

Now having been on more than our fair share of good whoopins I have to say I felt for Hamilton. I felt for the coaches. I felt especially for the fans. Man do I know what it is like to watch your beloved team stumble, fumble and bumble their way from one loss to the next. I hope they can get things figured out soon.

Meanwhile, the green-and-white have won two games in a row now. In Riderville that's a hot streak.

I have to say this whole winning thing is something I could get used to! I'd forgotten how much fun it was. I hope the guys enjoy their well-deserved victory. And I also hope they start to like this whole winning thing as much as the fans do!

Cuz, I know me, personally, I could stand a few more of those winning things. Bring 'em on!

Go Green!

Blessings

Much of what I'm thinking today comes from the book we are studying this fall as a church. It's called Second Guessing God - Hanging On When You Can't See His Plan.

When I heard the title of the book I thought, Oh boy, this book is for you, J.J.

The last year or two of my life have been some of the most intensely painful I've ever endured. I've lost a dream job and all the financial security and personal fulfillment that it brought. I lost a dear friend. A family relationship was badly damaged. My husband developed chronic health issues. And my son began acting out with uncontrolled rages again.

The rug has been pulled out from under me so often I thought after a while I'd just stay on the ground and wallow in my despair. It seemed easier, besides it's much less painful to fall from down here. My heart felt like it was being slowly cut into pieces. Not since my divorce have I faced such seemingly unending personal traumas and conflict.

I've often looked around and wondered, Why, God? Why?

Yet in the midst of my anguish and fury, God has never seemed so eerily silent or so distant to me as he has these last months. I've tried to stumble on, but it's hard when the journey is dark and the road is rough.

It's hard for me to look at all those heart-wrenching experiences and believe that God has a purpose in all that. I've journaled, I've prayed, I've read, I've ranted to friends, family and a therapist. All to no avail.

I haven't conquered any of those traumas. The loss of my job, even though it was only a temporary assignment, still haunts me (and our finances).

The loss of my friend still makes the world a teensy bit lonelier every day. The family relationship is still weird and awkward. Dear hubby's problems cause our family added stress. And our wonderful son and his outbursts have caused me to shed more tears than I care to think about.

There are days when I pray but the words sound hollow even to my ears and instead of feeling like I've got God's ear, I feel like I'm talking to a cold stone statue. So my prayers have become short. And most of my conversations with God consist of praise and worship songs I sing with. Though it's usually accompanied by a short, "I don't really feel like worshipping you, God, but You are worthy of my praise no matter what."

Because even if God never answers another one of my prayerful pleas, even if he never comforts another of my heart wrenching sobs... even if all the days of my life were torturous and miserable, God would still deserve my praise.

I keep taking those awkward, stumbling steps down a dimly lit rocky path. Some days are better than others. Most days, like today, I feel like I'm face down in the sand.

I titled this post blessings for a reason. It might not seem like an applicable title, but you see there times like this in a spiritual desert, in painful journeys of our lives when what is unimportant is stripped away. It doesn't matter. The blessing is what's truly important remains. Our priorities become more focused in a way that is not possible in the good times.

I've never fully understood James 1:2 - 4 like I do now.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Yes, there is purpose here. There is blessing here.

When God speaks

When the book you're reading and your email devotional for the day are both sitting in front of you and they both reference the same Bible verse, I think it's time to take notice. Perhaps a little chime should play too.

James 4:14:

You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. (New Believer’s Bible)

What is your life? You are mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (New International Version)

What do you know about tomorrow? How can you be so sure about your life? It is nothing more than mist that appears for only a little while before it disappears. (Contemporary English Version)

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. (New American Standard)


Perhaps I have spent too much time recently worrying about things that really aren't important. Life is the art of keeping the important things, the important things.

Do you remember 9/11? Who could forget right? It's such an extreme example, yet during that day it was impossible not to have crystal clarity on what was important. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who called members of their family. I probably wasn't the only one who put the regular stresses and worries of the day on hold.

I am guilty of allowing my day to be eaten up by worries of tomorrow - what we shall eat and what we shall wear. It's so easy to get caught up in striving after the things the world tries to tell us are important - money, clothes, cars, boats, bikes, houses, phones, computers, gadgets, etc.

It's all an illusion.

What's truly important in life can't be measure in dollar amounts. I'm slowly learning.