What is this?
Oh my. What do I do with myself? I actually had a Saturday to just do... whatever.
Wow. I like it! To God and Bruce in Bruce Almighty... s'goood...!
I made chocolate chip cookies with Mik. She also helped me make supper - Turkey Saltimbocca with buttered angel hair pasta. She even ate it!
Today I've gone shopping for ingredients to the appetizer for small group tonight.
(In the process I got in a minor fender-bender. My very first. More on this and the damage it caused in the next few days... I'm sure).
After getting back I've sat with my feet up and relaxed while watching Richard play nintendo and the kids build stuff with lego. Seriously, could anything be more mundane?
But I like mundane. It's quite relaxing actually. And it feels so great not to be rushing or feel pressure to do something. It's pure bliss not to have a deadline hanging over my head.
This breather is such a blessing.
This attitude is a far cry from where I was when I woke up this morning. I made the big mistake of checking our bank account before going to church.
I should know better.
Instead of walking into church feeling encouraged and happy to worship together with my brothers and sisters in Christ... I felt blue.
Frustrated, too.
I write so much and feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I feel sometimes like it's all a wasted effort. How can I work so hard, be so frazzled and still be behind all the time? Why don't I have anything to show for it?
(Keep in mind those nine articles I wrote in February, plus one in March already, I have yet to be paid for. So I am owed a lot of money at the moment. Those payments should start trickling in this week. I think. I hope.)
But as I got ready for church, I fumed.
God, I've been praying for two years for a fulltime writing job. I've been praying for even a part time writing job, so I could keep freelancing. You've answered my brothers' and sisters' prayers around me. Why not mine? We've prayed for a house and yet we've encountered nothing but obstacles and bad luck. Do you not hear? Why is it just my prayers you can not answer?
I wondered about all this as we pulled into the church parking lot. Then I thought of the words to a simple chorus I remember from my childhood - We bring sacrifice of praise...
I love that song - mainly because it was the only song that went through my head the morning I was baptized at the age of 13. I've never forgotten it. Nor will I ever forget the words...
We bring sacrifice of praise
Into the house of the Lord
We bring sacrifice of praise
Into the house of the Lord
And we offer up to You
The sacrifices of thanksgiving
And we offer up to You
The sacrifices of joy
The word 'sacrifice' implies a cost. You're not sacrificing if you're not giving something costly - something of tremendous value.
So here I was having a pity party for one, as we walked into church. I prayed that God would accept my offerings of praise and thankgiving.
Because no matter what I'm going through, God is still God. And he still deserves my praise and thanksgiving for his constant watchful care.
Sometimes I don't see his hand in my life. Sometimes it appears he has left circumstances to chance all around me.
But instead of giving in to this feeling, today I chose to embrace him. I chose to bring my sacrifices of praise, thanksgiving and joy.
I trust in his love. I trust in his plan. I don't get it and today I confess I might even doubt the existence of his plan for my life - let alone that it could be a plan for blessing... but I will choose to believe it anyway.
Now I must toss together a vegetable pizza for our small group potluck! Ack!
Listening to: Mikaela telling me about the house she built with a front yard and back yard with a pool. I like it!
Pending assignments: none! Woohoo!
Houses looked at: 1
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