Fear Factor

Hello. My name is JJ and I’m a big chicken.

Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!

It’s true. I’ve been a scaredy-cat since I was a kid. Whenever a bug came near me I freaked. And big machinery like a back hoe sent me screaming in terror.

Now I’m a grown up, but little has changed. I might not cover my ears and run at the sight of heavy equipment, but I’m still scared of so many things.

I’m scared of heights or more accurately falling from them.

I’m scared of closed or confined spaces, though not as much as I used to be.

I’m scared of spiders (it’s a phobia so I know it isn’t rational, but that doesn’t help, ok?).

I also have other more complex fears.

I’m scared others won’t like me. I’m not as insecure as I used to be. I’ve accepted that there are those that I will consistently rub the wrong way for whatever reason. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. That’s just how it is.

I’m scared of making mistakes. That’s the perfectionist in me talking and probably my editors appreciate this quality. (Though, heaven help me, I made two glaring typos in my most recent article in the SP and my red pencil is twitching…)

I’m also afraid of failure.

I put off starting articles because of it. I fear my best writing or articles are behind me. (I can see my husband rolling his eyes now, he’s heard this so often!)

Slowly, though, I have realized that living a life of faith is living a life of risk. I’m not talking about sky-diving without a parachute here. I mean being vulnerable, being open, honest and real with people and taking the risk of getting hurt. I mean taking the chance of not being liked by absolutely everybody and, yes, risking making mistakes.

Growing means making the occasional blunder. And allowing ourselves the grace to fail at times.

Because we know that even if we’ve failed or made a huge mistake, God is always there waiting with outstretched arms. He runs to great us when we think no one cares where we’ve been. His love never fails even when we have. His mercies and goodness start afresh each day.

I don't have to fear being imperfect, because He knows my weaknesses. He knows my sins and the deepest rebellion in my heart and yet He sent His Son to die for me anyway.

So making minor mistakes or even major flubs does not mean we're not worthy anymore. God knows and God comforts like no one else when we run to him.

And we realize His grace is sufficient for us. Even for us chickens.