Taking stock

Ten years ago this month I sat in a doctor's office facing the news I was dreading - I was pregnant. Despite bracing myself for the news, I immediately burst into tears.

I was pregnant under the most awkward and complicated of circumstances. I'd been separated from my (now) ex-husband for over a year and dating Richard for almost six months. I'd really made a mess of things.

Neither one of us had a future or a career plan. We were literally starting from scratch with absolutely nothing, but the deck stacked against us. Despite this, Richard and I got married and have somehow managed to pull together a pretty healthy family.

After all my bitching and whining of the last few weeks I've decided to take a moment to reflect on just how lucky I am. I do live a pretty charmed life.

For starters I'm married to a pretty fantastic guy who continually surprises me in his capacity to love, forgive and enjoy life!

Second, I have two adorable kids. Logan is a bright light, so energetic and sensitive. Mikaela is a delightful mix of charm and no-nonsense-get-out-of-my-way-I-know-what-I-want-thank-you-very-much bravado.

Richard went back to school and is now permanently employed at his dream job.

Further, although I've never returned to finish my degree (in anything) I have still made a fledging career for myself at my dream job - being a writer.

For all of my complaints, writing still gives me what I want most out of life:

1. The opportunity to express myself. If I wasn't writing I'd be creating art in a studio somewhere. I can't not write. God has given some of us the unquenchable desire to express his creative energy in small, but unique ways.

2. I have this insatiable curiousity about the world around me. Writing gives the opportunity to explore the vast riches around me - both physical, emotional and spiritual. What other job could allow me to move from profiling an illusionist to researching the wisdom of borrowing against your RRSPs for a downpayment on a house to writing about an upcoming home show? This variety makes my life rich, diverse and sometimes even exciting. Ask me about my Def Leppard interview sometime...

3. My time schedule is completely flexible. Today I have time to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill before phoning various interview subjects, researching my latest interview and making squares for friends' 40th anniversary tea tomorrow. At a nine-to-five job that might not all be possible. Nor would I be able to rearrange my work to fit my kids' schedule. Being there for them is a gift I'm not sure I could give up.

4. Although writing is a lonely and sometimes isolating endeavour, it totaly fits this independent spirit. I'm the grandaughter of immigrant pioneers that escaped persecution in Russia and came to this barren landscape looking for a better life almost a century ago. When I think of their struggles and what they managed to create here on the bald prairies, it bogges my mind. Yet that fiercely independent spirit is alive and well in me. Perhaps that's where I get the ability to see possibility where nothing currently exists.

Writing, in short (ok I know this is a long post), gives me the opportunity to live my life to the fullest. And what a life it has been. In ten short years Richard and I have created a life that makes us go "Wow!".

And God be praised, because all we did was commit to being here.